It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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