Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!