He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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