Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Loading more great texts...