he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You smell like stripper and shame
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
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