And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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