Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.