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  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:23pm

    I think I'm gonna knock my chick off the bed tonight. Just so I can say that!!!! Lol.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:10pm

    lol awww, love you too babe

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 2:49pm

    Lmao this is from where I live proud of you haha. That's some funny shit

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:26pm

    I feel like I've heard this somewhere before...like on a show.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:19pm

    I bet your parents must be proud, 4.00. Luckily, I've taken it upon myself to translate. "3:24, fuck you too. You're a fucking loser too. What is this, english class, and now you're a fucking teacher? Fuck you too. You can die too. You bastard." A little too much of the word "too" for my liking but otherwise nicely done.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:38pm

    That was on Live at Gotham

  • Submitted by Jjhamon on Mar 4, 10 at 7:47am

    Hell yea!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:36pm

    Recycle a pretzel, save a forrest.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 4:21am

    It could have happen just because it's on a show does mean it didn't happen

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 5, 09 at 12:34am

    Could have seen the stand up then decided to use it action

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:34pm

    aww that's sweet, in a retarded way

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 2:34pm

    Besides the fact that it's stolen. What kind of girl would get turn on by something like that? Mood killer and bullshit.

    • Submitted by rrreneetje on Jun 6, 11 at 7:25pm

      I would ^_^ just shows the guy has humor. I love a good laugh during sex

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:17pm

    I think Roxy posted this one.

  • Submitted by _sydnee_ on Jan 16, 10 at 7:47pm

    That's cutee. (:

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:04pm

    Haha that's fucking awesome!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 4:14am

    That's cool, but I wouldn't yell "5 second rule" in the middle of sex.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 10:00pm

    Funny how that was on Live at Gotham last night. I call bullshit!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:31pm

    I love this! I would be in love too!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 5, 09 at 7:10pm

    haha! that's so fucking hot.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 1:01pm

    That sounds so hott!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 2:46am

    JeffJeff. Jeff=Jeff.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 12, 09 at 1:04am

    Lol trust me I tried that I got slaped =[

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 20, 10 at 12:03am

    way to represent CNY

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 11:48pm

    Jeff just points out the obvious in every text. he needs to stfu.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:55pm

    Im dressing up as Jeffrey for Halloween. I will be dressed in pimp clothing.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 6, 09 at 6:57pm

    7:59 is obviously a 14 y.o boy -c

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:49pm

    Yea it was funnier when Nick Swardson told that joke

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 23, 10 at 10:40pm

    How tha fuck is that cute?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:25pm

    Yeah, I saw that joke on TV last nite too...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 18, 09 at 7:16pm

    Everyone's in love when they r cumming.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:44pm

    5:40 just seriously made me get a boner. Jesus.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 11:59pm

    Fast thinkig, I like it

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:28pm

    You couple of silly flamers!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 10:41am

    I, too, saw this on Live at Gotham.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 6:24pm

    Yeah 421, the joke is on Live at Gothom, and the next day this txt is posted. It could have happened?! Your a fuckin' dumbass bro.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:32am

    Oh I've chosen my words carefully pursian perhaps u should have done the same

  • Submitted by I_AM_GOD on Apr 10, 10 at 5:19am

    What a boss

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:44pm

    Jeff is a loser and nobody likes him

  • Submitted by kaylansuzanne on Mar 28, 10 at 11:30am

    Lmao!! This is hilarious

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:40pm

    I'm a virgin and still think that it's hilarious!Nice work to the guy to said that!

  • Submitted by LOgAn3194 on Feb 13, 11 at 11:15pm

    U lucky bitch!!

  • Submitted by happycowski on Jul 12, 10 at 6:46pm

    That's actually kinda cute

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 30, 09 at 1:45am

    v just like my pussy

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 9, 09 at 10:49pm

    I go for the ten second rule before I release the bomb(s)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 11:37pm

    If u don't love Jeff shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself. Oh and have a nice night! : )

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:57pm

    I wanna do this to roxy

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:15pm

    Wow, who's the troll now, 3:11?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 12:00pm

    Oh sad, hella stole this from Live at Gotham! But I'm glad the joke is getting around cause that guy was fucking hilarious! When he took off his wig!? priceless!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:24pm

    318 learn some fucking grammar, asswaste.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 6:43pm

    hahahaha this is HILARIOUS, the guy sounds so funny

  • Submitted by anonymous_female on Aug 21, 10 at 2:22am

    That shit is hilarious!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 11, 10 at 1:19am

    Haha that's so funny

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 19, 10 at 10:29am

    High five Watertown!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:50pm

    I'm in love with Jeff. Shut up 3:44

  • Submitted by CarlozCesar on Sep 9, 10 at 12:15am

    Uh...win, uberwin

  • Submitted by awasis on May 31, 10 at 6:47am

    Meth. Crystal meth.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 7:59pm

    OMG!!! MEGAN FOX is so hot I so would lose wife for just one night with her damn she is so hot!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:36pm

    hahaha!! this is the best one i've read in awhile. :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:21pm

    350 is obviously a virgin!!! You really need to get some! Then you'll change your mind.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 20, 10 at 12:43am

    Damn!! Jelous hah of him

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 16, 10 at 1:13am

    Huh. Coulda sworn this was on mlia.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 3:18am

    Uh, someone posted this the other day, from a guy's perspective, bleeping out the swear. Way to copy an old post, douchebag.

  • Submitted by kyro2010 on Sep 5, 10 at 3:57pm

    Dood you are my hero!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 23, 10 at 5:57pm

    That's cute!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:57pm

    stolen from live at gotham. nice try though.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:27pm

    Blow-up dolls do not count, 4:23.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:26pm

    Repeat yourself much?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:09pm

    4:00 Whoa, chill out.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 11, 10 at 11:54pm

    Amen. ^^

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 11:49pm

    live at gotham, fucking fake.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 5:23pm

    SO proud this is from the area code of the next town over.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 23, 10 at 12:11pm

    Sounds like it's happened before lol

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 9:53pm

    Yep he's really a keeper lmao ~TFH

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 7:41pm

    does he have a twin? If so, I will pay for his flight to Los Angeles.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 10:15pm

    or else it gets the hose again.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 7:13pm

    Hahah I actually like this!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 8, 10 at 8:24pm

    That guy pulled a chuck norris

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 8:46pm

    haha thats how we do it in the 315! only in 'cuse...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:39pm

    315 whos from wayne countyyy right here

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 10:25pm

    meow. i eat corn when winter air is freshest.

  • Submitted by SilkyJohnson on Jul 6, 10 at 11:45pm

    well im gonna have to knock a girl off the bed asap.. i need 2 do this before i die

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 7:23pm

    thats from a stand up routine, way to fail

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 5:03pm

    i would totally do this :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 24, 10 at 3:34am

    Exactly why there should be a 5 month rule. Perfect for hot ex-gfs XD

  • Submitted by IsntThatStellar on Feb 18, 11 at 11:52am

    that's really damn cute

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 10:14pm

    IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 21, 10 at 9:13pm

    Best fucking thing I've ever heard Hahahahahahahaha

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 12:25am

    Stolen from Alex knoll

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:13pm

    Oh I get it. Its funny because she he used the food's 5 second rule in sex. -Jeff

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:43pm

    Some guy on live from Gotham told this joke last night.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:53pm

    Die Obama loving Que.ers! -Jeff

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:22pm

    You wanna know how I got these scars? -The REAL Joker

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:14pm

    You wanna know how I got these scars? -Joker

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 26, 10 at 12:24pm

    Im in love w this girl.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 24, 10 at 2:33am

    This is the most amazing thing I've heard

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 1:12pm

    5:23 How do you see what area code it's from?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:33pm

    If you say jeffcock fast it sounds like deathclock! Jeffcock jeffcock

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 8:50am

    haha. i love you 4:27

  • Submitted by AshipherSmithers on Mar 7, 11 at 1:04am

    Omg yeahhhh

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 18, 09 at 3:18am

    Damn righr!!! Now that's horny

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 1, 09 at 1:34am

    That only works if he was eating.

  • Submitted by sgtchickenfucker on Aug 4, 10 at 5:08pm

    That is probably the only rule in sex

  • 89 88
    Submitted by Dcain on May 19, 11 at 12:34pm

    @4:23, you and I both.haha

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 12:43pm

    whahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  • 93 98
    Submitted by a_dream_traceur on Sep 19, 11 at 11:10pm

    I'd love that<33

  • Submitted by arcticphoenix0 on Jun 17, 11 at 11:47am

    I love how people on this site police the entries and actually conduct research as to whether or not an entry is genuine. Who gives a shit? Laugh at it, take a chillax pill, and get a life.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 1:54am

    Best shit i've ever heard!!

  • Submitted by ShaneLastNamr on Aug 21, 10 at 10:32pm

    Kind of akward don't you think?

  • 85 91
    Submitted by coolguy213818 on Nov 25, 11 at 3:04am

    I love u baby girl lets make love

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 10:28pm

    Damn that's sexyy! Fuk me next

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:32pm

    He thinks you are just a fuck

  • 87 98
    Submitted by Allegra21 on Jun 5, 11 at 4:12pm

    Fucking hilarious!

  • 83 93
    Submitted by cbrider on Oct 22, 11 at 2:27am

    so setting this up!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 5, 09 at 10:20am

    Was he wearing underoos at the time?

  • Submitted by martincece261 on Apr 3, 11 at 1:17am

    I would be too haha

  • Submitted by papacam on Jun 20, 11 at 10:01am

    Yeshaha

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 6:56pm

    Ya Ryan Reynolds is fucking sexyyy. And he is married to scarlett johanson- they should def reproduce!

  • 79 93
    Submitted by jakeorourke on Nov 9, 11 at 3:43pm

    I use that same rule with my sandwiches that the bitches make me...... I guess I'll have two uses for that now thank you and keep on keepin on

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:14pm

    One night stands are a sin. Sincerely, David Schulberg

    • Submitted by keyboardcat on Jan 31, 10 at 9:50am

      but two night stands are perfectly fine! woo!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 4:26pm

    they stole that from a stand up bit on live at gotham yesterday.

  • Submitted by imrankhan on Sep 21, 11 at 11:01am

    Any girl want sex with me?

  • 71 80
    Submitted by wolfottr007 on Mar 18, 12 at 11:28pm

    You'll have that.

  • Submitted by danvolcom on Jul 15, 10 at 12:08am

    Andy so hot all thé guys want to fuck her tonight

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:50pm

    sex is for marriage. You horrible awful people will go to hell. Repent now and god will save you!!!!!!!!!

  • 79 98
    Submitted by alblackpacino42 on Jul 30, 11 at 5:54pm

    i wish all girls were like this

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 3:20pm

    9/11 was a conspircy to kill us jews

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 31, 09 at 9:09pm

    That's quacktastic!!

  • Submitted by stephaniejos on Jul 13, 11 at 1:08am

    awesome

  • 65 99
    Submitted by andresg on May 28, 12 at 11:44am

    Too funny!!