I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Farmville is her only friend.
smell my finger.
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