Texts From Last Night · alannovick's Favorites

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alannovick's Favorites Texts:

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.

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(323): View more from California

Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?

(1-323): View more from California

Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila

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(334): View more from Alabama

So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.

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(602): View more from Arizona

My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this

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