My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Loading more great texts...