Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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