and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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