I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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