Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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