we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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