I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
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He needs a dick splint, stat!!
Rub some Ben-G@y on it and keep it elevated
You need either a nurse or a milkmaid for rehabilitation.
I swear I've seen this or one like it before on this site
DAMMIT, Jim...I'm a Doctor, not a carpenter...I can't fix wood
Stop having sex on a trampoline
They can't cure herpes either
Just rub it out. You'll be fine
Told ya! Naked wrestling is is bed sport only! Fucking on a couch is annoying anyway. Upolstry fabric carpet burn hurts.