Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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