When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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