I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
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