as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Loading more great texts...