All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
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