His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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