Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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