I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just found a bag of teeth...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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