While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
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Hey girl you hungry?
I don't know why, but this made me laugh.
Why is this on here?
why are you a sour puss?
Works for me.
jenna marbles reference, duh
Shoulda packed a sandwich instead sweetheart