Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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