We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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