On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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