They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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