I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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How is being "The Tinkle Fairy" NOT magical?
Try drinking Pabst blue ribbon, it has the magical power of turning you into a dirty hipster.
Those beer commercials are very disappointing, I must say. For instance, I have yet to so much as see Keith Stone let alone turn into him after drinking Keystone...