It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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