My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
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