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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
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