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  • Lies! Deep tissue massage is the leading contribution to my hand job skills. I have at least 5 times the endurance. I can keep that shit going through the entirety of the lord of the rings trilogy, stopping only to shed a tear for Gandolph's unfortunate demise.

    Submitted by underseasun on Aug 4, 10 at 11:36pm
    • I totally agree with you - I feel the same. Clearly this girl doesn't know what she's doing...with a cock or massages!! And wow... you sound like my long lost twin sister. <3

      Submitted by ladyLachesis on Oct 20, 10 at 5:59pm
  • pearls of wisdom: always shake hands first. if you pull back a crushed nub, take a pass

    Submitted by PearlsOfWisdom on Aug 4, 10 at 3:32pm
  • The question is how's it hanging

    Submitted by dsl1972 on Aug 4, 10 at 3:06pm
  • Hmm...was it like watching the shake weight commercial?

    Submitted by jojoboo1 on Aug 4, 10 at 3:10pm
  • Pop Goes The Weiner!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Submitted by GUESS_WHAT on Aug 4, 10 at 6:28pm
  • Did she leave you with black and blue balls?

    Submitted by hooah33 on Aug 4, 10 at 3:27pm
  • At least she's not a proffessional hotdog eater

    Submitted by spearchucker on Aug 4, 10 at 3:11pm
  • Jooknow this reminds me of the youtube clip, worst handjob. Bringing the whole, "now act like it's a kethup bottle" into the scenario.

    Submitted by j00kn0w on Aug 4, 10 at 3:32pm
  • Rule: there is not enough tissue on the dick to have a "deep tissue massage" comfortably.

    Submitted by TheRuleBook on Aug 4, 10 at 3:40pm
  • @TheRulebook pleas KILL yourself!\nRule: It must be with a legend caliber weapon, lots of grey matter on the wall! GO!

    Submitted by SoulTaker3 on Aug 6, 10 at 5:04am
  • or a girl that works at cold stone creamery

    Submitted by ilovewhores on Aug 4, 10 at 7:23pm
  • oh God...there is nothing about this that says "good night"...i winced in sympathy pain...

    Submitted by RochesterMNRules on Aug 4, 10 at 4:55pm
  • Ow fuck dude ow !!!!

    Submitted by johnnyk on Aug 4, 10 at 5:46pm
  • pobrecitoo )':

    Submitted by Anonymous on Aug 5, 10 at 2:44am
  • yeah probably not area code though! yay southern twin cities!!!

    Submitted by starryeyedangel on Aug 4, 10 at 11:26pm
  • Fly you fools X]

    Submitted by austinonymouss on Aug 4, 10 at 11:53pm
  • Who the fuck is giving this a good night?

    Submitted by theonlygayeskimo on Aug 4, 10 at 11:17pm
  • Why the fuck would you get a handjob? This isn't eighth grade (I'm assuming). Anyway, man up, free massages would definitely be worth a shitty handjob.

    Submitted by Anonyrnous on Aug 4, 10 at 9:48pm
  • Bwahahahhaha!!! As a massage therapist, I find this absolutely hysterical!! X-D Thank god I specialize in Swedish, eh?

    Submitted by MinagiV on Aug 4, 10 at 4:00pm
  • Buuuullshit, yes by all means do!

    Submitted by wubbazugg on Oct 17, 11 at 11:43pm
  • That's NOT the situation right there! Who gets handjobs these days?

    Submitted by MiketheSituation on Aug 4, 10 at 5:21pm
  • There just is no happy ending there. Bruising a dude's peep is bad, mmkay?

    Submitted by archer79 on Aug 4, 10 at 4:44pm
  • Ouch-town population you bro!

    Submitted by amwroth on Aug 5, 10 at 12:23am
  • Can you say ouch much

    Submitted by migetman46 on Aug 4, 10 at 10:57pm
  • only get head from those kinda girls

    Submitted by yey on Aug 4, 10 at 7:54pm