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  • Submitted by underseasun on Aug 4, 10 at 11:36pm

    Lies! Deep tissue massage is the leading contribution to my hand job skills. I have at least 5 times the endurance. I can keep that shit going through the entirety of the lord of the rings trilogy, stopping only to shed a tear for Gandolph's unfortunate demise.

    • Submitted by ladyLachesis on Oct 20, 10 at 5:59pm

      I totally agree with you - I feel the same. Clearly this girl doesn't know what she's doing...with a cock or massages!! And wow... you sound like my long lost twin sister. <3

  • Submitted by PearlsOfWisdom on Aug 4, 10 at 3:32pm

    pearls of wisdom: always shake hands first. if you pull back a crushed nub, take a pass

  • Submitted by dsl1972 on Aug 4, 10 at 3:06pm

    The question is how's it hanging

  • Submitted by jojoboo1 on Aug 4, 10 at 3:10pm

    Hmm...was it like watching the shake weight commercial?

  • Submitted by hooah33 on Aug 4, 10 at 3:27pm

    Did she leave you with black and blue balls?

  • Submitted by spearchucker on Aug 4, 10 at 3:11pm

    At least she's not a proffessional hotdog eater

  • Submitted by GUESS_WHAT on Aug 4, 10 at 6:28pm

    Pop Goes The Weiner!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Submitted by j00kn0w on Aug 4, 10 at 3:32pm

    Jooknow this reminds me of the youtube clip, worst handjob. Bringing the whole, "now act like it's a kethup bottle" into the scenario.

  • Submitted by TheRuleBook on Aug 4, 10 at 3:40pm

    Rule: there is not enough tissue on the dick to have a "deep tissue massage" comfortably.

  • Submitted by SoulTaker3 on Aug 6, 10 at 5:04am

    @TheRulebook pleas KILL yourself!\nRule: It must be with a legend caliber weapon, lots of grey matter on the wall! GO!

  • Submitted by RochesterMNRules on Aug 4, 10 at 4:55pm

    oh God...there is nothing about this that says "good night"...i winced in sympathy pain...

  • Submitted by johnnyk on Aug 4, 10 at 5:46pm

    Ow fuck dude ow !!!!

  • Submitted by ilovewhores on Aug 4, 10 at 7:23pm

    or a girl that works at cold stone creamery

  • 76 99
    Submitted by starryeyedangel on Aug 4, 10 at 11:26pm

    yeah probably not area code though! yay southern twin cities!!!

  • Submitted by austinonymouss on Aug 4, 10 at 11:53pm

    Fly you fools X]

  • Submitted by theonlygayeskimo on Aug 4, 10 at 11:17pm

    Who the fuck is giving this a good night?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Aug 5, 10 at 2:44am

    pobrecitoo )':

  • Submitted by MiketheSituation on Aug 4, 10 at 5:21pm

    That's NOT the situation right there! Who gets handjobs these days?

    • 71 94
      Submitted by starfishy on Aug 4, 10 at 6:57pm

      Everyone except for you, evidently.

  • Submitted by Anonyrnous on Aug 4, 10 at 9:48pm

    Why the fuck would you get a handjob? This isn't eighth grade (I'm assuming). Anyway, man up, free massages would definitely be worth a shitty handjob.

  • 57 80
    Submitted by wubbazugg on Oct 17, 11 at 11:43pm

    Buuuullshit, yes by all means do!

  • Submitted by MinagiV on Aug 4, 10 at 4:00pm

    Bwahahahhaha!!! As a massage therapist, I find this absolutely hysterical!! X-D Thank god I specialize in Swedish, eh?

  • Submitted by archer79 on Aug 4, 10 at 4:44pm

    There just is no happy ending there. Bruising a dude's peep is bad, mmkay?

  • Submitted by amwroth on Aug 5, 10 at 12:23am

    Ouch-town population you bro!

  • Submitted by migetman46 on Aug 4, 10 at 10:57pm

    Can you say ouch much

  • Submitted by yey on Aug 4, 10 at 7:54pm

    only get head from those kinda girls