I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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