she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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