In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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