Texts From Last Night

mahalis's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together. http://tfl.nu/i6go
  Replies (11) Good night (1233) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome http://tfl.nu/6r0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3742) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left. http://tfl.nu/juzo
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (2635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence. http://tfl.nu/yx0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1533) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just fucking run.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape? (301): just fucking run. http://tfl.nu/0wzu
  Replies (5) Good night (2285) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless http://tfl.nu/uuhp
  Replies (16) Good night (2922) Bad night (180)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning. http://tfl.nu/sdft
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1255) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka http://tfl.nu/m383
  Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (2983) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours http://tfl.nu/smol
  Replies (3) Good night (1203) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language http://tfl.nu/6vub
  Replies (4) Good night (1086) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital. http://tfl.nu/5fyf
  Replies (3) Good night (526) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing

  (206): View more from Washington

  and semen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing (206): and semen http://tfl.nu/0fmk
  Replies (13) Good night (3945) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way" http://tfl.nu/67ib
  Replies (8) Good night (4248) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police

  (616): View more from Michigan

  What?!?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police (616): What?!? (810): What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police http://tfl.nu/unre
  Replies (20) Good night (4209) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage. http://tfl.nu/gxvx
  Replies (6) Good night (2675) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator

  (954): View more from Florida

  you didnt stop her?

  (305): View more from Florida

  too entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator (954): you didnt stop her? (305): too entertaining http://tfl.nu/7hz6
  Replies (49) Good night (4436) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Prob not but she was surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised http://tfl.nu/a9jx
  Replies (2) Good night (1261) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0
  Replies (4) Good night (1867) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class http://tfl.nu/v047
  Replies (37) Good night (4562) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !! (832): Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless. http://tfl.nu/apa0
  Replies (20) Good night (3551) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding http://tfl.nu/jewl
  Replies (8) Good night (3425) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship. http://tfl.nu/tdmr
  Replies (37) Good night (7287) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome http://tfl.nu/zb92
  Replies (30) Good night (2452) Bad night (6122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused http://tfl.nu/z0he
  Replies (7) Good night (2675) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6317) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I regret nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal. (1-702): I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/jdko
  Replies (12) Good night (2095) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?

  (518): View more from New York

  Its called bad cop laid cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for? (518): Its called bad cop laid cop. http://tfl.nu/7dnl
  Replies (9) Good night (3211) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Last night was just one giant freudian slip.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You made out with EVERYBODY.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Can I just bleach my life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Last night was just one giant freudian slip. (503): You made out with EVERYBODY. (702): Can I just bleach my life? http://tfl.nu/dy05
  Replies (3) Good night (1344) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO. (301): Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever. http://tfl.nu/txh9
  Replies (11) Good night (1596) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (26) Good night (5293) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?

  (925): View more from California

  Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over? (925): Quite the smooth talker. There in 5. http://tfl.nu/ccg0
  Replies (7) Good night (2581) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju
  Replies (5) Good night (1828) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m
  Replies (4) Good night (1033) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You might end up in the wrong class.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class? (919): You might end up in the wrong class. (910): I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class. http://tfl.nu/dnad
  Replies (8) Good night (1528) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots. http://tfl.nu/6u08
  Replies (12) Good night (1734) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs" http://tfl.nu/jaco
  Replies (6) Good night (2079) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing. http://tfl.nu/fm4c
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging. http://tfl.nu/hkzz
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn. http://tfl.nu/xdjy
  Replies (8) Good night (540) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.

  (1-424): View more from California

  The hell is wrong with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks. (1-424): The hell is wrong with me http://tfl.nu/smgq
  Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin (774): He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying http://tfl.nu/waxr
  Replies (3) Good night (1586) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday. http://tfl.nu/s40o
  Replies (15) Good night (1958) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU http://tfl.nu/78be
  Replies (10) Good night (1445) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals. http://tfl.nu/o042
  Replies (4) Good night (448) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches http://tfl.nu/88ib
  Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's a mixed blessing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day. (1-919): I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover. (919): It's a mixed blessing. http://tfl.nu/jmyr
  Replies (8) Good night (1291) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You want anything?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gatorade and you naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): You want anything? (610): Gatorade and you naked. http://tfl.nu/khdc
  Replies (10) Good night (3055) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday? http://tfl.nu/psur
  Replies (5) Good night (2501) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  were you high?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  When?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  Actually just blanket yes to that question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): were you high? (1-505): When? (1-505): Actually just blanket yes to that question http://tfl.nu/yc7i
  Replies (2) Good night (1649) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient http://tfl.nu/4t82
  Replies (1) Good night (1382) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience. http://tfl.nu/6ty7
  Replies (11) Good night (1225) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all. http://tfl.nu/7eme
  Replies (12) Good night (3285) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce? http://tfl.nu/j2ba
  Replies (26) Good night (3776) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it? http://tfl.nu/t3fk
  Replies (9) Good night (1853) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve http://tfl.nu/y29u
  Replies (11) Good night (2811) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with. http://tfl.nu/nobk
  Replies (8) Good night (2574) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve. http://tfl.nu/asc9
  Replies (6) Good night (6252) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10074) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

  (1-310): View more from California

  negative

  (310): View more from California

  come find me please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): please tell me if i'm home and in my bed (1-310): negative (310): come find me please http://tfl.nu/3ca4
  Replies (29) Good night (1861) Bad night (4328)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (8820) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals http://tfl.nu/rxm6
  Replies (15) Good night (3655) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly http://tfl.nu/a8cm
  Replies (19) Good night (1119) Bad night (5181)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card http://tfl.nu/wrdz
  Replies (4) Good night (2894) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
  Replies (24) Good night (5091) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call. http://tfl.nu/fjfe
  Replies (35) Good night (4130) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it. http://tfl.nu/6y9b
  Replies (36) Good night (5401) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you yell "are you not entertained?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude" (913): did you yell "are you not entertained?" http://tfl.nu/qa0j
  Replies (21) Good night (6580) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (4575) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring http://tfl.nu/cvji
  Replies (16) Good night (485) Bad night (4617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling? http://tfl.nu/xujd
  Replies (7) Good night (4437) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just fell off a train. Bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Just fell off a train. Bad. http://tfl.nu/32cv
  Replies (3) Good night (400) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes". http://tfl.nu/fxx0
  Replies (11) Good night (1220) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
  Replies (11) Good night (1807) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that http://tfl.nu/xola
  Replies (7) Good night (2254) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  But you wear shame so well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group (1-303): But you wear shame so well http://tfl.nu/l3oh
  Replies (4) Good night (2481) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/pj90
  Replies (8) Good night (943) Bad night (3782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high

  (954): View more from Florida

  Yeah, I don't like babies at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high (954): Yeah, I don't like babies at all http://tfl.nu/6jzu
  Replies (11) Good night (2992) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night. http://tfl.nu/2z1d
  Replies (8) Good night (4623) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper. (1-604): please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night. http://tfl.nu/j80d
  Replies (11) Good night (4917) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm drunk

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that why you're texting me

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm drunk (615): Is that why you're texting me (405): Yes http://tfl.nu/5xy8
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one. http://tfl.nu/yysi
  Replies (4) Good night (3801) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  everybody makes mistakes

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): everybody makes mistakes (1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances http://tfl.nu/cihb
  Replies (23) Good night (6295) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit http://tfl.nu/tode
  Replies (12) Good night (3886) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning. http://tfl.nu/jye2
  Replies (14) Good night (5211) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :) http://tfl.nu/0k31
  Replies (53) Good night (11414) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers http://tfl.nu/3qjt
  Replies (22) Good night (647) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it http://tfl.nu/h3ck
  Replies (6) Good night (3811) Bad night (1279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (13) Good night (4818) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Jealous?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Very.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits. (254): Jealous? (903): Very. http://tfl.nu/i9gx
  Replies (8) Good night (2110) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape. http://tfl.nu/qdov
  Replies (7) Good night (2723) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (13) Good night (7487) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices. http://tfl.nu/vgow
  Replies (30) Good night (6920) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you. http://tfl.nu/6utw
  Replies (18) Good night (2586) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this. http://tfl.nu/rk1o
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha http://tfl.nu/j31u
  Replies (7) Good night (2225) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply (1-414): I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday http://tfl.nu/j6sm
  Replies (10) Good night (4674) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there. http://tfl.nu/fiix
  Replies (6) Good night (1091) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me' http://tfl.nu/06rz
  Replies (7) Good night (5630) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are. http://tfl.nu/befb
  Replies (21) Good night (6168) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7162) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo. http://tfl.nu/zgra
  Replies (3) Good night (1403) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8482) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro. http://tfl.nu/5jtw
  Replies (7) Good night (3251) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r
  Replies (10) Good night (4086) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice. http://tfl.nu/2mv5
  Replies (11) Good night (750) Bad night (3117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL? http://tfl.nu/ejsn
  Replies (12) Good night (2550) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic http://tfl.nu/jttf
  Replies (44) Good night (8246) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far. http://tfl.nu/ba65
  Replies (6) Good night (3479) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14194) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots. http://tfl.nu/tjxa
  Replies (1) Good night (635) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though. http://tfl.nu/i3qf
  Replies (6) Good night (2167) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
  Replies (10) Good night (4492) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5501) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
  Replies (28) Good night (20169) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket http://tfl.nu/8xo3
  Replies (11) Good night (3500) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (5690) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park. http://tfl.nu/fvsb
  Replies (5) Good night (3100) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here. http://tfl.nu/xixg
  Replies (20) Good night (4841) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts? (267): i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about. http://tfl.nu/nsac
  Replies (51) Good night (3052) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference. http://tfl.nu/hvve
  Replies (4) Good night (2293) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism

  (917): View more from New York City

  cool. same. I'm in class drinking

  (646): View more from New York

  NOT OKAY

  (917): View more from New York City

  sorry for partying

  (646): View more from New York

  THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism (917): cool. same. I'm in class drinking (646): NOT OKAY (917): sorry for partying (646): THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS http://tfl.nu/g2oy
  Replies (10) Good night (2151) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (50): View more from

  I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (50): I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious. http://tfl.nu/irod
  Replies (5) Good night (2632) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR. http://tfl.nu/oyj0
  Replies (15) Good night (13106) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober http://tfl.nu/ny6e
  Replies (22) Good night (5614) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9330) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world? http://tfl.nu/dgrx
  Replies (9) Good night (1900) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded. http://tfl.nu/om7e
  Replies (9) Good night (2724) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again. http://tfl.nu/k6jo
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet http://tfl.nu/9wvg
  Replies (3) Good night (3617) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2186) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from. http://tfl.nu/x0kt
  Replies (5) Good night (1232) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience http://tfl.nu/snc8
  Replies (11) Good night (2330) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful http://tfl.nu/kqdo
  Replies (11) Good night (2680) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested. (1-251): Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling. http://tfl.nu/pby0
  Replies (9) Good night (2850) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (21007) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

  (562): View more from California

  You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

  (714): View more from California

  Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Hahaha you puked all over his shirt. (562): You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch. (714): Well someones bitter they didn't get any. http://tfl.nu/4mgl
  Replies (20) Good night (4871) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  you dont need a face to have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh. (1-630): you dont need a face to have sex http://tfl.nu/3vud
  Replies (44) Good night (4258) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa (603): I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel... http://tfl.nu/ns98
  Replies (11) Good night (2994) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do http://tfl.nu/zxnc
  Replies (7) Good night (1729) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us? http://tfl.nu/gp4k
  Replies (5) Good night (3813) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go. http://tfl.nu/oxgw
  Replies (2) Good night (2146) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  ugly people sure do ruin things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): ugly people sure do ruin things http://tfl.nu/4ggc
  Replies (33) Good night (811) Bad night (3009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit http://tfl.nu/h77n
  Replies (9) Good night (486) Bad night (2028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other. http://tfl.nu/yacp
  Replies (2) Good night (2564) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe. http://tfl.nu/i5qc
  Replies (8) Good night (399) Bad night (1683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.

  (310): View more from California

  Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them. (310): Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light. http://tfl.nu/t4oe
  Replies (12) Good night (2914) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent http://tfl.nu/311d
  Replies (37) Good night (2989) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq
  Replies (4) Good night (2508) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened" http://tfl.nu/41rs
  Replies (12) Good night (2841) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc. http://tfl.nu/hh26
  Replies (3) Good night (2168) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends.. http://tfl.nu/z85j
  Replies (9) Good night (4866) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did http://tfl.nu/v7hu
  Replies (11) Good night (639) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually. http://tfl.nu/jboq
  Replies (30) Good night (3917) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring http://tfl.nu/n1of
  Replies (2) Good night (1807) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/cbpu
  Replies (8) Good night (6245) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey kate, how is it?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Hey kate, how is it? (610): sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving. http://tfl.nu/94qm
  Replies (14) Good night (476) Bad night (2692)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang

  (917): View more from New York City

  really making moves this morning i see

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang (917): really making moves this morning i see http://tfl.nu/4n5c
  Replies (15) Good night (3965) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know.. http://tfl.nu/03rh
  Replies (8) Good night (3682) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Did everyone make it back alive?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You say that with such hope.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is that a no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Did everyone make it back alive? (309): You say that with such hope. (217): Is that a no? http://tfl.nu/rkmk
  Replies (3) Good night (2830) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin http://tfl.nu/wbk6
  Replies (12) Good night (4138) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :( http://tfl.nu/2xc0
  Replies (12) Good night (511) Bad night (2694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7218) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober http://tfl.nu/1m5a
  Replies (6) Good night (2733) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk

  (813): View more from Florida

  Crosswalk actually

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk (813): Crosswalk actually http://tfl.nu/wtpi
  Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq
  Replies (5) Good night (3802) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (23) Good night (5394) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/b3zy
  Replies (3) Good night (1605) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing? http://tfl.nu/vn0z
  Replies (1) Good night (1427) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today http://tfl.nu/56ng
  Replies (4) Good night (1238) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.

  (845): View more from New York

  Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help. (845): Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me. http://tfl.nu/1wp4
  Replies (5) Good night (2645) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too http://tfl.nu/f6yj
  Replies (7) Good night (554) Bad night (2315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/ypf4
  Replies (9) Good night (1797) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever. http://tfl.nu/him8
  Replies (2) Good night (1079) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar http://tfl.nu/l67v
  Replies (7) Good night (2073) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too http://tfl.nu/0m73
  Replies (6) Good night (3022) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there. http://tfl.nu/fp94
  Replies (6) Good night (1826) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later http://tfl.nu/sax8
  Replies (4) Good night (1814) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30. http://tfl.nu/4yw7
  Replies (8) Good night (2247) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka." http://tfl.nu/g6um
  Replies (6) Good night (3043) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut? http://tfl.nu/jwsc
  Replies (3) Good night (1198) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf
  Replies (14) Good night (6761) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that. http://tfl.nu/b2kf
  Replies (5) Good night (1978) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close http://tfl.nu/huvz
  Replies (5) Good night (1047) Bad night (1939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town? (219): yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes? http://tfl.nu/jl45
  Replies (5) Good night (1999) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you. http://tfl.nu/2hjp
  Replies (4) Good night (2391) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer http://tfl.nu/0w8r
  Replies (6) Good night (1519) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date? http://tfl.nu/zipl
  Replies (3) Good night (1546) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.

  (214): View more from Texas

  elevator sex. pronto.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me. (214): elevator sex. pronto. http://tfl.nu/j5vd
  Replies (5) Good night (2312) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/yiek
  Replies (8) Good night (792) Bad night (1823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night? http://tfl.nu/qhm4
  Replies (3) Good night (1604) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen? http://tfl.nu/tjza
  Replies (20) Good night (5692) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
  Replies (16) Good night (6788) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that. http://tfl.nu/0n60
  Replies (9) Good night (2498) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series http://tfl.nu/c4pq
  Replies (13) Good night (2785) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight? http://tfl.nu/jndw
  Replies (1) Good night (1864) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate. http://tfl.nu/vwb7
  Replies (9) Good night (5064) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome http://tfl.nu/b710
  Replies (10) Good night (1682) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Come over. Drunk tacos.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  That isn't even a sentence.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I kept the important parts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Come over. Drunk tacos. (1-214): That isn't even a sentence. (214): I kept the important parts. http://tfl.nu/2pq0
  Replies (8) Good night (4269) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour. http://tfl.nu/7a2s
  Replies (4) Good night (2767) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu
  Replies (12) Good night (6563) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/jop2
  Replies (23) Good night (6273) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  goodnight i made you a song goodbye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): goodnight i made you a song goodbye http://tfl.nu/zq8r
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (6741) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5192) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (8542) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/6rsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1102) Bad night (5058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (19) Good night (6248) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome. http://tfl.nu/vhpn
  Replies (21) Good night (6468) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable. http://tfl.nu/quma
  Replies (7) Good night (5605) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so basically your not goin out tonight?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  who said that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow (410): so basically your not goin out tonight? (301): who said that? http://tfl.nu/qimw
  Replies (13) Good night (5036) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  batman tramp stamp. Dibs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): batman tramp stamp. Dibs. http://tfl.nu/38kl
  Replies (56) Good night (10006) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Just got yelled at by a priest...again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Just got yelled at by a priest...again. http://tfl.nu/n99j
  Replies (5) Good night (1018) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4324) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9034) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship http://tfl.nu/iroi
  Replies (19) Good night (4220) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad. http://tfl.nu/7eya
  Replies (15) Good night (1131) Bad night (4160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
  Replies (21) Good night (6544) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (8785) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (5739) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (7941) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1655) Bad night (3987)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (3769) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home' http://tfl.nu/2uct
  Replies (4) Good night (1912) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais http://tfl.nu/hn97
  Replies (9) Good night (2212) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying. http://tfl.nu/h4eg
  Replies (7) Good night (5357) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night http://tfl.nu/l78r
  Replies (4) Good night (2446) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4458) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify. http://tfl.nu/zod7
  Replies (5) Good night (3870) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar? http://tfl.nu/a7cq
  Replies (37) Good night (6630) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet. http://tfl.nu/d9ji
  Replies (18) Good night (5795) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok. http://tfl.nu/l3f8
  Replies (10) Good night (3841) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6695) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time... http://tfl.nu/szlj
  Replies (47) Good night (1947) Bad night (7587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star. http://tfl.nu/572f
  Replies (13) Good night (1950) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!" http://tfl.nu/xs9f
  Replies (3) Good night (2348) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Since when do you wear a bracelet?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Since when do you wear a bracelet? (603): Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs http://tfl.nu/cgne
  Replies (11) Good night (5453) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka? http://tfl.nu/htpr
  Replies (24) Good night (3753) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  what is college for if not random hookup sex?

  (951): View more from California

  learning.

  (209): View more from California

  i would literally fuck learning if i could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk
  Replies (50) Good night (9104) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute. http://tfl.nu/xfpy
  Replies (6) Good night (2865) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome. http://tfl.nu/rgpf
  Replies (10) Good night (4103) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3058) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before http://tfl.nu/meit
  Replies (4) Good night (2779) Bad night (3003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (5522) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here? http://tfl.nu/lydo
  Replies (20) Good night (4040) Bad night (1648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating http://tfl.nu/fvws
  Replies (10) Good night (3103) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged http://tfl.nu/t25x
  Replies (4) Good night (2561) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (15) Good night (2410) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  stop writing like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;) (1-410): stop writing like that. http://tfl.nu/yu8k
  Replies (25) Good night (6432) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6193) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5086) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7469) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13729) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5059) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  We won't sleep together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): We won't sleep together? http://tfl.nu/ebgb
  Replies (3) Good night (523) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment. http://tfl.nu/sxji
  Replies (13) Good night (4875) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET http://tfl.nu/jxod
  Replies (17) Good night (740) Bad night (4557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  yo i have your phone

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ... oh so you probably won't get this message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): yo i have your phone (202):... oh so you probably won't get this message http://tfl.nu/0ifv
  Replies (14) Good night (1634) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (4723) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?" http://tfl.nu/xxms
  Replies (5) Good night (1987) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit. http://tfl.nu/13ky
  Replies (9) Good night (2185) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out. http://tfl.nu/jm8j
  Replies (12) Good night (3340) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34
  Replies (31) Good night (838) Bad night (5034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No stitches, just platelets and will power

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): No stitches, just platelets and will power http://tfl.nu/pdnf
  Replies (6) Good night (2822) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore. http://tfl.nu/f43s
  Replies (11) Good night (1675) Bad night (3907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (56) Good night (7656) Bad night (2157)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent. http://tfl.nu/hcxv
  Replies (8) Good night (3767) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night. http://tfl.nu/vppz
  Replies (13) Good night (5596) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18889) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9577) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way. http://tfl.nu/5yxg
  Replies (26) Good night (3892) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9275) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Nice meating you last night

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Not a typo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Nice meating you last night (843): Not a typo http://tfl.nu/icxk
  Replies (19) Good night (4628) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow http://tfl.nu/a3vb
  Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous http://tfl.nu/zxmn
  Replies (27) Good night (5238) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever. http://tfl.nu/ydd6
  Replies (20) Good night (738) Bad night (4304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how drunk are you?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  What does that even mean anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): how drunk are you? (952): What does that even mean anymore? http://tfl.nu/4vkm
  Replies (10) Good night (4834) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Rock

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Scissors

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Rock (630): Scissors (630): Fuck http://tfl.nu/tdxv
  Replies (14) Good night (2019) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  :( I'm sorry!!!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  sexual favors sorry?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  absolutely not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): :( I'm sorry!!! (847): sexual favors sorry? (224): absolutely not http://tfl.nu/14ur
  Replies (30) Good night (592) Bad night (1828)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (6989) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight. http://tfl.nu/g7ms
  Replies (17) Good night (4052) Bad night (1312)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck. http://tfl.nu/z2xd
  Replies (2) Good night (1858) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/2sao
  Replies (12) Good night (4232) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top. http://tfl.nu/vbez
  Replies (19) Good night (4639) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it http://tfl.nu/atpp
  Replies (9) Good night (751) Bad night (2342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder http://tfl.nu/ecaz
  Replies (4) Good night (2195) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j
  Replies (8) Good night (5654) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  can we take a shower together?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): can we take a shower together? (901): no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing http://tfl.nu/lc5h
  Replies (55) Good night (7451) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail http://tfl.nu/lqnd
  Replies (6) Good night (3993) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship. http://tfl.nu/z11g
  Replies (23) Good night (1784) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight. http://tfl.nu/0w7l
  Replies (25) Good night (4157) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean not really

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult. (1-202): I mean not really (202): Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible. http://tfl.nu/azl7
  Replies (25) Good night (2566) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say" http://tfl.nu/b497
  Replies (7) Good night (2207) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/6d9q
  Replies (10) Good night (1839) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven. http://tfl.nu/4vzm
  Replies (8) Good night (2666) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/spf0
  Replies (4) Good night (3089) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out. http://tfl.nu/1cqt
  Replies (6) Good night (2112) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick. http://tfl.nu/ma7b
  Replies (14) Good night (2585) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday? http://tfl.nu/ynw6
  Replies (16) Good night (4190) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up

  (915): View more from Texas

  Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up (915): Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat http://tfl.nu/y8qb
  Replies (32) Good night (3597) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face. http://tfl.nu/bml8
  Replies (8) Good night (790) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge, http://tfl.nu/hq9f
  Replies (18) Good night (4059) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend http://tfl.nu/2pir
  Replies (62) Good night (2662) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.

  (425): View more from Washington

  some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends. (425): some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate. http://tfl.nu/ohwc
  Replies (19) Good night (623) Bad night (3399)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this http://tfl.nu/j8rr
  Replies (3) Good night (537) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade. http://tfl.nu/0707
  Replies (29) Good night (652) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (19) Good night (8709) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones http://tfl.nu/0il5
  Replies (6) Good night (4574) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter. http://tfl.nu/35y3
  Replies (11) Good night (3652) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request http://tfl.nu/jdk4
  Replies (18) Good night (3618) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i
  Replies (7) Good night (3231) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase. http://tfl.nu/kajo
  Replies (22) Good night (6115) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...

  (716): View more from New York

  what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  self-loathing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night... (716): what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk? (617): self-loathing. http://tfl.nu/qojo
  Replies (7) Good night (782) Bad night (2870)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve http://tfl.nu/de13
  Replies (4) Good night (4156) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire. http://tfl.nu/kkrz
  Replies (17) Good night (1457) Bad night (2577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  If i come over, it means nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): If i come over, it means nothing http://tfl.nu/o2bi
  Replies (3) Good night (2230) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5243) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded. http://tfl.nu/0j6f
  Replies (8) Good night (1488) Bad night (3221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/33o5
  Replies (7) Good night (2578) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight. http://tfl.nu/6ipq
  Replies (2) Good night (3370) Bad night (1613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4
  Replies (11) Good night (4300) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome http://tfl.nu/lk4z
  Replies (37) Good night (8498) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk! http://tfl.nu/py4j
  Replies (6) Good night (3253) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it. http://tfl.nu/ttul
  Replies (33) Good night (889) Bad night (2668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I can't feel my brain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison. (417): I can't feel my brain. http://tfl.nu/qap9
  Replies (10) Good night (1543) Bad night (3775)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear. http://tfl.nu/rnay
  Replies (0) Good night (2007) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g
  Replies (8) Good night (2636) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird http://tfl.nu/672q
  Replies (12) Good night (2976) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower. http://tfl.nu/3pc6
  Replies (15) Good night (4147) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward http://tfl.nu/w58u
  Replies (7) Good night (2565) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants http://tfl.nu/u4r0
  Replies (7) Good night (5671) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job. (651): again? http://tfl.nu/ai0g
  Replies (11) Good night (726) Bad night (4595)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i was like PREG?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?' (312): i was like PREG? http://tfl.nu/r2o4
  Replies (9) Good night (560) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages. http://tfl.nu/yro9
  Replies (8) Good night (3148) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY are the edges of my bra charred???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY are the edges of my bra charred??? http://tfl.nu/czt9
  Replies (12) Good night (3058) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour. http://tfl.nu/o2dj
  Replies (6) Good night (2975) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (20) Good night (13842) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock http://tfl.nu/0ctc
  Replies (4) Good night (3351) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/cddz
  Replies (9) Good night (4511) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?! (781): Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze. http://tfl.nu/sc14
  Replies (18) Good night (736) Bad night (3389)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey" http://tfl.nu/pjur
  Replies (24) Good night (6154) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk? http://tfl.nu/beic
  Replies (34) Good night (3179) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10057) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?" http://tfl.nu/11uf
  Replies (27) Good night (6795) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you. http://tfl.nu/ocnt
  Replies (1) Good night (1766) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this. http://tfl.nu/0xw5
  Replies (7) Good night (2808) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program. http://tfl.nu/l90z
  Replies (12) Good night (3161) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight. http://tfl.nu/f50l
  Replies (5) Good night (3972) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3751) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies? http://tfl.nu/c806
  Replies (6) Good night (2773) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g
  Replies (7) Good night (3759) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background? http://tfl.nu/ypnh
  Replies (76) Good night (4431) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (7547) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower. http://tfl.nu/xf7t
  Replies (17) Good night (4605) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12292) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the day after is always just damage control

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): the day after is always just damage control http://tfl.nu/ugvq
  Replies (6) Good night (910) Bad night (2505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling

  (415): View more from California

  God, I love San Francisco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling (415): God, I love San Francisco. http://tfl.nu/z7fc
  Replies (27) Good night (2833) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (4797) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor http://tfl.nu/d5hx
  Replies (18) Good night (4205) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting. http://tfl.nu/ppub
  Replies (16) Good night (3864) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She didnt have a camera...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera (908): She didnt have a camera... http://tfl.nu/89kt
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30061) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What happened to the watermelon?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You fucked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c
  Replies (15) Good night (1913) Bad night (4252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu http://tfl.nu/9ul0
  Replies (14) Good night (2131) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth. http://tfl.nu/mgri
  Replies (5) Good night (6486) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary. http://tfl.nu/s27x
  Replies (2) Good night (2433) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now (1-484): sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up? (484): :) http://tfl.nu/8r3p
  Replies (12) Good night (3475) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood" http://tfl.nu/duu9
  Replies (47) Good night (860) Bad night (6832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (6974) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (33) Good night (18483) Bad night (1736)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do. http://tfl.nu/vxoj
  Replies (16) Good night (2985) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you lied. pity sex is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): you lied. pity sex is amazing. http://tfl.nu/c61w
  Replies (27) Good night (6684) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16839) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions http://tfl.nu/cic0
  Replies (100) Good night (6864) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy. http://tfl.nu/fwj0
  Replies (53) Good night (5969) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high? http://tfl.nu/47rp
  Replies (18) Good night (4701) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study http://tfl.nu/oth0
  Replies (28) Good night (3003) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks. http://tfl.nu/7ex7
  Replies (12) Good night (4986) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy (203): go home http://tfl.nu/91uo
  Replies (28) Good night (6622) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5. http://tfl.nu/1dnu
  Replies (22) Good night (8979) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Fuck 8am classes

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Fuck 8am classes (330): Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes http://tfl.nu/x2hf
  Replies (15) Good night (3827) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6954) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober' http://tfl.nu/1n5d
  Replies (3) Good night (2564) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head http://tfl.nu/xp32
  Replies (22) Good night (4456) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express http://tfl.nu/hlsi
  Replies (3) Good night (2935) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (9755) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you really are a gigantic fucking slut. (614): sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text (1-614): it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh? http://tfl.nu/0prb
  Replies (6) Good night (3193) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): yah i'm on my way- is everything ok? (1-330) i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok http://tfl.nu/s4ag
  Replies (35) Good night (798) Bad night (6948)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  new revelation: five guys for breakfast

  (561): View more from Florida

  new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): new revelation: five guys for breakfast (561): new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation http://tfl.nu/4ic9
  Replies (24) Good night (3319) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back. http://tfl.nu/s19b
  Replies (9) Good night (3259) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (13400) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I heard we made out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I heard we made out http://tfl.nu/5m1y
  Replies (8) Good night (3581) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page. http://tfl.nu/lhck
  Replies (12) Good night (4122) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable. http://tfl.nu/fbq8
  Replies (12) Good night (5171) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked. http://tfl.nu/8nhm
  Replies (45) Good night (5204) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them http://tfl.nu/2pf7
  Replies (2) Good night (4348) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  bloody. ill be home soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know? (267): bloody. ill be home soon. http://tfl.nu/2ypq
  Replies (7) Good night (3417) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
  Replies (19) Good night (1098) Bad night (4962)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real. http://tfl.nu/u784
  Replies (20) Good night (437) Bad night (2912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4316) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me. http://tfl.nu/lhdj
  Replies (53) Good night (769) Bad night (4219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything. http://tfl.nu/euxa
  Replies (9) Good night (5093) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2344) Bad night (4037)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers

  (440): View more from Ohio

  its only a rough draft.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers (440): its only a rough draft. http://tfl.nu/pfud
  Replies (10) Good night (3561) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend http://tfl.nu/5l48
  Replies (5) Good night (1177) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12901) Bad night (4751)
• Favorite

  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Where are I am going home with Ryan

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (681): Where are I am going home with Ryan (601): I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it http://tfl.nu/l22z
  Replies (18) Good night (1542) Bad night (2200)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (7806) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (6059) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita http://tfl.nu/ih02
  Replies (5) Good night (449) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (079): View more from

  I think we need to take a brake

  (078): View more from

  What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (079): I think we need to take a brake (078): What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake' http://tfl.nu/ju32
  Replies (18) Good night (522) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  ugh. my soul tastes like vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): ugh. my soul tastes like vodka http://tfl.nu/d0v0
  Replies (9) Good night (4103) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time http://tfl.nu/brrk
  Replies (27) Good night (4660) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities http://tfl.nu/vh2c
  Replies (16) Good night (3713) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
  Replies (15) Good night (4880) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish costco sold astroglide.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg
  Replies (41) Good night (2719) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends. http://tfl.nu/xm5k
  Replies (58) Good night (5310) Bad night (1723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this. http://tfl.nu/g7ey
  Replies (9) Good night (3700) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there. http://tfl.nu/fu8g
  Replies (13) Good night (4135) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
  Replies (6) Good night (3259) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend. http://tfl.nu/xacy
  Replies (9) Good night (5382) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago. http://tfl.nu/b9vc
  Replies (21) Good night (4452) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): she's crying while babbling "all i do is win" http://tfl.nu/5fua
  Replies (10) Good night (3462) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle

  (648): View more from

  Since when is drunk an angle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle (648): Since when is drunk an angle? http://tfl.nu/dhcr
  Replies (12) Good night (6837) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/eygf
  Replies (5) Good night (3104) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight. http://tfl.nu/4o55
  Replies (16) Good night (6291) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format http://tfl.nu/g7e8
  Replies (12) Good night (5356) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad. http://tfl.nu/yb7a
  Replies (11) Good night (1088) Bad night (3055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5539) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again. http://tfl.nu/j7t8
  Replies (19) Good night (4240) Bad night (1270)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby http://tfl.nu/eqgg
  Replies (23) Good night (2697) Bad night (6341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip? http://tfl.nu/6lx8
  Replies (16) Good night (3471) Bad night (1720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage. http://tfl.nu/7s6f
  Replies (12) Good night (4148) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself. (616): The wine tasting is just for charity anyways... http://tfl.nu/d1ju
  Replies (3) Good night (2616) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53
  Replies (9) Good night (2573) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something http://tfl.nu/4301
  Replies (8) Good night (545) Bad night (2468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning. http://tfl.nu/65kx
  Replies (4) Good night (2980) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
  Replies (8) Good night (1091) Bad night (2198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night http://tfl.nu/8wbo
  Replies (8) Good night (3592) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES. http://tfl.nu/zom1
  Replies (19) Good night (3515) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6335) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
  Replies (7) Good night (3790) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/pbev
  Replies (3) Good night (5714) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to http://tfl.nu/3nm2
  Replies (9) Good night (4707) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  What happened to him?

  (1-501): View more from Arkansas

  He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): What happened to him? (1-501): He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum http://tfl.nu/owcl
  Replies (4) Good night (3765) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18691) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her http://tfl.nu/j3sh
  Replies (9) Good night (3131) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not. http://tfl.nu/0qt3
  Replies (12) Good night (6033) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked http://tfl.nu/2vrw
  Replies (5) Good night (3307) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (199) Good night (42702) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth http://tfl.nu/totm
  Replies (56) Good night (6527) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands http://tfl.nu/w6ka
  Replies (7) Good night (3121) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her. http://tfl.nu/wxz7
  Replies (6) Good night (5021) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Probably.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word? (440): Probably. (216): I'm in. http://tfl.nu/bl31
  Replies (14) Good night (3870) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours

  (816): View more from Missouri

  outstanding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like. (1-816): Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours (816): outstanding. http://tfl.nu/qtfw
  Replies (15) Good night (4110) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing http://tfl.nu/5ec7
  Replies (7) Good night (3692) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs http://tfl.nu/s3ms
  Replies (19) Good night (4677) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  None

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards (1-515): None http://tfl.nu/5j7f
  Replies (17) Good night (3050) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (16301) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy
  Replies (40) Good night (15244) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8
  Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/n6ba
  Replies (9) Good night (3938) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

  (206): View more from Washington

  High?

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahahahaha turkey breast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector. (206): High? (425): hahahahaha turkey breast http://tfl.nu/8hm7
  Replies (40) Good night (3332) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video. http://tfl.nu/od0z
  Replies (17) Good night (4551) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch. http://tfl.nu/axjt
  Replies (31) Good night (5781) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (7936) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight. (417): I'm going for alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/l0is
  Replies (21) Good night (5767) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted http://tfl.nu/13lv
  Replies (21) Good night (4760) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31293) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab

  (253): View more from Washington

  I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab (253): I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea. http://tfl.nu/y0mn
  Replies (3) Good night (2090) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a
  Replies (9) Good night (3780) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7529) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1
  Replies (12) Good night (7102) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting http://tfl.nu/eus0
  Replies (23) Good night (3256) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): one might say we're banned from that church http://tfl.nu/l4dz
  Replies (5) Good night (3664) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Too tired to pretend that I care : (

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc
  Replies (29) Good night (768) Bad night (7535)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  it's like heaven, but drunker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): it's like heaven, but drunker http://tfl.nu/yzff
  Replies (3) Good night (2660) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10696) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/fc4o
  Replies (9) Good night (5015) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drank myself into bisexuality again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45
  Replies (16) Good night (5786) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/r7p2
  Replies (7) Good night (5248) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic http://tfl.nu/n8k4
  Replies (10) Good night (3213) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf? http://tfl.nu/zyca
  Replies (6) Good night (3171) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5007) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending. http://tfl.nu/bckx
  Replies (3) Good night (2440) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (5815) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS http://tfl.nu/purw
  Replies (11) Good night (1091) Bad night (2991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry. http://tfl.nu/4osi
  Replies (9) Good night (4299) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange. http://tfl.nu/kq15
  Replies (3) Good night (3087) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it http://tfl.nu/8y6r
  Replies (9) Good night (2280) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig? http://tfl.nu/6st9
  Replies (1) Good night (786) Bad night (2539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/72dk
  Replies (14) Good night (2783) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!! http://tfl.nu/5462
  Replies (2) Good night (2063) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"? http://tfl.nu/nflv
  Replies (13) Good night (4593) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary. http://tfl.nu/r2s3
  Replies (9) Good night (4772) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing. http://tfl.nu/4y7p
  Replies (9) Good night (5678) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos http://tfl.nu/3hab
  Replies (11) Good night (3455) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown. http://tfl.nu/wms3
  Replies (6) Good night (5101) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam! (1-330): is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar? http://tfl.nu/c4pf
  Replies (5) Good night (3584) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
  Replies (14) Good night (4883) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night. http://tfl.nu/gp7l
  Replies (7) Good night (2336) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y
  Replies (11) Good night (4742) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (946) Bad night (2835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Will you be topless? That will affect my answer. http://tfl.nu/lf7u
  Replies (19) Good night (5853) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with. http://tfl.nu/sran
  Replies (13) Good night (1851) Bad night (2918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer http://tfl.nu/7yso
  Replies (10) Good night (5178) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes. http://tfl.nu/p00s
  Replies (9) Good night (3809) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share.. http://tfl.nu/5uhy
  Replies (11) Good night (3298) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (17) Good night (4933) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone. http://tfl.nu/nbte
  Replies (12) Good night (945) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We using my standards or yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad? (443): We using my standards or yours? http://tfl.nu/agac
  Replies (7) Good night (2758) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2129) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I met the friendliest cop last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I met the friendliest cop last night http://tfl.nu/2xxe
  Replies (12) Good night (4084) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible". http://tfl.nu/e3k3
  Replies (43) Good night (7267) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7486) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6522) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you. http://tfl.nu/2uqq
  Replies (16) Good night (3643) Bad night (2196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism. http://tfl.nu/eczv
  Replies (3) Good night (2870) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered. http://tfl.nu/u71a
  Replies (15) Good night (7058) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator http://tfl.nu/f05m
  Replies (7) Good night (1810) Bad night (1620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend. http://tfl.nu/lprg
  Replies (10) Good night (5411) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  so I ended up banging her last night

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't even remember

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): so I ended up banging her last night (1-414): dude I remember her. You sure it was a her? (414): i don't even remember http://tfl.nu/73hr
  Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (3447)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship? http://tfl.nu/nsqw
  Replies (37) Good night (8944) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest? (1-601): yes (601): did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me? http://tfl.nu/1ahx
  Replies (13) Good night (4541) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me. http://tfl.nu/3m0w
  Replies (20) Good night (1172) Bad night (6361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus.. http://tfl.nu/6jqk
  Replies (12) Good night (842) Bad night (3403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking http://tfl.nu/ha4q
  Replies (7) Good night (1042) Bad night (2556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (9982) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there http://tfl.nu/ybdj
  Replies (4) Good night (4091) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar. http://tfl.nu/5cy5
  Replies (6) Good night (3867) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people? http://tfl.nu/ymsz
  Replies (14) Good night (3364) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring. http://tfl.nu/vd81
  Replies (14) Good night (4156) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4285) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either. http://tfl.nu/j4vn
  Replies (5) Good night (3501) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
  Replies (11) Good night (4627) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (12538) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there. http://tfl.nu/1v1m
  Replies (4) Good night (3068) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (353): View more from

  When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (353): When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head http://tfl.nu/g0x9
  Replies (14) Good night (1446) Bad night (2915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes" http://tfl.nu/m7wu
  Replies (13) Good night (7299) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits. http://tfl.nu/7sfp
  Replies (25) Good night (964) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2287) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  This is not my ceiling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): This is not my ceiling http://tfl.nu/p46e
  Replies (11) Good night (1315) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting. http://tfl.nu/wbx1
  Replies (11) Good night (3578) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5359) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10413) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4716) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (22) Good night (13537) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can http://tfl.nu/8h8s
  Replies (17) Good night (5847) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7351) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (4934) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/g1hs
  Replies (5) Good night (5264) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU http://tfl.nu/x7kk
  Replies (76) Good night (6023) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother. http://tfl.nu/cqrd
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (3352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper. http://tfl.nu/yyzx
  Replies (14) Good night (5877) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8024) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (6722) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow? http://tfl.nu/hnqf
  Replies (12) Good night (2902) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6350) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila. http://tfl.nu/p50o
  Replies (10) Good night (4499) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show http://tfl.nu/lemk
  Replies (22) Good night (2527) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4416) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut http://tfl.nu/x9ek
  Replies (14) Good night (3421) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse. http://tfl.nu/g20v
  Replies (5) Good night (3650) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon http://tfl.nu/vuj3
  Replies (10) Good night (4350) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (11) Good night (1164) Bad night (2931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well http://tfl.nu/2njp
  Replies (9) Good night (3383) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing. http://tfl.nu/ut8a
  Replies (4) Good night (2986) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (3720) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together. http://tfl.nu/x99f
  Replies (11) Good night (3630) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name http://tfl.nu/x1lq
  Replies (20) Good night (2164) Bad night (4157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Found your pants in the mailbox

  (646): View more from New York

  What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

  (516): View more from New York

  I don't know but there's postage on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8
  Replies (36) Good night (5646) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): 6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever. http://tfl.nu/zd97
  Replies (7) Good night (5567) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice. http://tfl.nu/elke
  Replies (11) Good night (3415) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome. http://tfl.nu/831u
  Replies (12) Good night (4341) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
  Replies (13) Good night (4536) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon? http://tfl.nu/jffu
  Replies (9) Good night (4202) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else. http://tfl.nu/92rk
  Replies (2) Good night (2441) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video http://tfl.nu/m72m
  Replies (43) Good night (10818) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL. http://tfl.nu/ostw
  Replies (16) Good night (6375) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches http://tfl.nu/0tvi
  Replies (6) Good night (3690) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends? http://tfl.nu/lhmx
  Replies (8) Good night (2807) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather. http://tfl.nu/4j7n
  Replies (5) Good night (4141) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
  Replies (22) Good night (7646) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on. http://tfl.nu/shul
  Replies (20) Good night (4244) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12061) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?! http://tfl.nu/aect
  Replies (110) Good night (1504) Bad night (7584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (1766) Bad night (9643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Places.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Plural? Please tell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep? (509): Places. (503): Plural? Please tell. http://tfl.nu/23q8
  Replies (5) Good night (2371) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore http://tfl.nu/frxj
  Replies (9) Good night (2619) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining http://tfl.nu/lz11
  Replies (24) Good night (5109) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots? (734): nope, you were tallying rejections at the party http://tfl.nu/c1is
  Replies (8) Good night (803) Bad night (5675)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out? http://tfl.nu/i75k
  Replies (15) Good night (1989) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know (1-989): no http://tfl.nu/fk8z
  Replies (27) Good night (1195) Bad night (5431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I proposed and she said yes man.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I proposed and she said yes man. (1-425): You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right? http://tfl.nu/wbvk
  Replies (25) Good night (5444) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately. http://tfl.nu/s9fu
  Replies (17) Good night (703) Bad night (4589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with. http://tfl.nu/h0cz
  Replies (8) Good night (3774) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do? http://tfl.nu/rcm8
  Replies (23) Good night (600) Bad night (1458)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat http://tfl.nu/d5wq
  Replies (10) Good night (2674) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love. http://tfl.nu/koii
  Replies (22) Good night (5918) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon! http://tfl.nu/58y3
  Replies (9) Good night (3794) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10657) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever. http://tfl.nu/jxfd
  Replies (14) Good night (5429) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned. http://tfl.nu/z1gu
  Replies (8) Good night (4620) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?

  (1-510): View more from California

  you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic? (1-510): you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore. http://tfl.nu/b816
  Replies (19) Good night (2292) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7629) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave http://tfl.nu/bg5d
  Replies (11) Good night (5041) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (36) Good night (4741) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece. http://tfl.nu/uvvr
  Replies (34) Good night (4693) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening http://tfl.nu/z1ws
  Replies (11) Good night (2870) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project http://tfl.nu/w3av
  Replies (12) Good night (4097) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  3:26am: come over

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over

  (248): View more from Michigan

  4:11am: mnlodp

  (847): View more from Illinois

  dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) 3:26am: come over (847): you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over (248) 4:11am: mnlodp (847): dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over http://tfl.nu/tbh5
  Replies (7) Good night (1319) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8582) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4644) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (3519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3
  Replies (52) Good night (9015) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not. http://tfl.nu/av9b
  Replies (10) Good night (5149) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (748) Bad night (4669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat. (1-804): U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha http://tfl.nu/198a
  Replies (4) Good night (1915) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8546) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch

  (740): View more from Ohio

  enter at your own risk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch (740): enter at your own risk http://tfl.nu/z8ud
  Replies (5) Good night (2186) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed. http://tfl.nu/2764
  Replies (47) Good night (6046) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj
  Replies (21) Good night (4952) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street. http://tfl.nu/miwy
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (3303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx
  Replies (14) Good night (5539) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She started it, but I totally finished it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds (404): She started it, but I totally finished it. http://tfl.nu/luqt
  Replies (6) Good night (3232) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6089) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/2b7s
  Replies (6) Good night (3897) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I think we should see other people.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Already working on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I think we should see other people. (1-207): Already working on it. http://tfl.nu/a8l6
  Replies (11) Good night (5575) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and the officer said have you been drinking

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and i said NOO SIR.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and he said, I am a woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. http://tfl.nu/8g3i
  Replies (19) Good night (1603) Bad night (6534)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion http://tfl.nu/5o7j
  Replies (15) Good night (4809) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What? You're not speaking real words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me (617): What? You're not speaking real words. http://tfl.nu/o2go
  Replies (30) Good night (689) Bad night (2385)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (6969) Bad night (2033)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul
  Replies (26) Good night (9085) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name? http://tfl.nu/3ka4
  Replies (38) Good night (7468) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14182) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7
  Replies (14) Good night (4909) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide. http://tfl.nu/bl6v
  Replies (74) Good night (6275) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  You drink too much

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  No, I drink just the right amount - too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): You drink too much (1-561): No, I drink just the right amount - too often. http://tfl.nu/1oor
  Replies (2) Good night (2577) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21132) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm coming over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay. (713): I'm coming over. http://tfl.nu/32wi
  Replies (30) Good night (3758) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding. http://tfl.nu/1j8r
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (4456)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs http://tfl.nu/o6hz
  Replies (27) Good night (4995) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that. http://tfl.nu/vq6l
  Replies (10) Good night (2400) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (154) Good night (7635) Bad night (2206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5218) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
  Replies (6) Good night (7404) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (10750) Bad night (2189)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night? http://tfl.nu/z8ke
  Replies (22) Good night (8364) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12113) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores. http://tfl.nu/e4hq
  Replies (19) Good night (4731) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is. http://tfl.nu/0bg6
  Replies (13) Good night (1909) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required. http://tfl.nu/6ko6
  Replies (6) Good night (4801) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/plkd
  Replies (1) Good night (4664) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof http://tfl.nu/xt5p
  Replies (4) Good night (3598) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  which gay bar do you need a ride home from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you. (1-405): which gay bar do you need a ride home from? http://tfl.nu/2t13
  Replies (14) Good night (1221) Bad night (4600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? (860): Becoming a productive member of society? (509): Sam. Come on. http://tfl.nu/hrkz
  Replies (38) Good night (6266) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster. http://tfl.nu/3vkx
  Replies (22) Good night (3870) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone http://tfl.nu/ll67
  Replies (46) Good night (6507) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes http://tfl.nu/ebav
  Replies (38) Good night (5374) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically. http://tfl.nu/76cj
  Replies (25) Good night (13503) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4
  Replies (9) Good night (4753) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx
  Replies (20) Good night (3160) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/0v59
  Replies (21) Good night (7478) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (5779) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night. http://tfl.nu/zcqt
  Replies (22) Good night (2885) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w
  Replies (17) Good night (2310) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend. http://tfl.nu/xojm
  Replies (18) Good night (4530) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam has been drinking

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Who has his phone

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Adam has been drinking (1-810): Who has his phone (810): Adam does http://tfl.nu/tl53
  Replies (15) Good night (7296) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1688) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation. http://tfl.nu/fqo6
  Replies (10) Good night (3340) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game http://tfl.nu/8vak
  Replies (5) Good night (3323) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  ...yea

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She's valid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence? (1-614): ...yea (614): She's valid. http://tfl.nu/5j37
  Replies (3) Good night (3050) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame' http://tfl.nu/7sje
  Replies (8) Good night (3810) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue. http://tfl.nu/efry
  Replies (15) Good night (6009) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale. http://tfl.nu/rt3p
  Replies (12) Good night (4175) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards http://tfl.nu/kggv
  Replies (7) Good night (2602) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside http://tfl.nu/d6yu
  Replies (13) Good night (8848) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l
  Replies (7) Good night (3330) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen. http://tfl.nu/umfy
  Replies (11) Good night (4817) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision http://tfl.nu/741x
  Replies (12) Good night (6452) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch. http://tfl.nu/zmaj
  Replies (24) Good night (3629) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

  (301): View more from Maryland

  1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend (301): 1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps http://tfl.nu/019j
  Replies (29) Good night (3488) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1
  Replies (14) Good night (4819) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself. http://tfl.nu/7r6x
  Replies (11) Good night (1066) Bad night (2608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay. http://tfl.nu/lkny
  Replies (24) Good night (1912) Bad night (3167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited.... http://tfl.nu/lzs9
  Replies (16) Good night (4869) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking http://tfl.nu/a0v5
  Replies (11) Good night (3302) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir! http://tfl.nu/b2ab
  Replies (18) Good night (2447) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi. http://tfl.nu/4g6k
  Replies (11) Good night (3332) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  Thanks for throwing up on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night. (1-859): Thanks for throwing up on me. http://tfl.nu/msvj
  Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet. http://tfl.nu/znz0
  Replies (11) Good night (572) Bad night (3465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me http://tfl.nu/44om
  Replies (19) Good night (4872) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.

  (376): View more from

  you are insane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere. (376): you are insane http://tfl.nu/nfoh
  Replies (12) Good night (3206) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5353) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (3839) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this. http://tfl.nu/7hr5
  Replies (6) Good night (2994) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (5984) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (12453) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6014) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (5990) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night. http://tfl.nu/mfsu
  Replies (17) Good night (4726) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (4509) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq
  Replies (7) Good night (5005) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship. http://tfl.nu/9mk5
  Replies (40) Good night (3335) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6499) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i should start naming my morning wood

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  great idea but wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i should start naming my morning wood (201): great idea but wrong number http://tfl.nu/1p5a
  Replies (24) Good night (7802) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about http://tfl.nu/o03a
  Replies (9) Good night (6368) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny http://tfl.nu/vl4i
  Replies (15) Good night (3826) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried http://tfl.nu/b5zu
  Replies (7) Good night (6333) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't. http://tfl.nu/nrau
  Replies (13) Good night (1276) Bad night (3623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi

  (214): View more from Texas

  ok, stay where you are, be there soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi (214): ok, stay where you are, be there soon http://tfl.nu/1y99
  Replies (55) Good night (2147) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (11) Good night (5054) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss http://tfl.nu/d23g
  Replies (43) Good night (8976) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision. http://tfl.nu/3mn1
  Replies (22) Good night (6440) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night. http://tfl.nu/rqck
  Replies (11) Good night (1189) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3
  Replies (18) Good night (1323) Bad night (4602)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I hope im prettier

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I hope im prettier (1-828): yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying http://tfl.nu/h2yr
  Replies (37) Good night (530) Bad night (3222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r
  Replies (17) Good night (4556) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13615) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (4696) Bad night (1558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij
  Replies (7) Good night (3409) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10978) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting? http://tfl.nu/ew93
  Replies (29) Good night (4776) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6325) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent (613): I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM http://tfl.nu/2tls
  Replies (24) Good night (703) Bad night (4997)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc http://tfl.nu/bhl3
  Replies (31) Good night (1352) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it. http://tfl.nu/j4pq
  Replies (10) Good night (1008) Bad night (4433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4362) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill. http://tfl.nu/ungu
  Replies (10) Good night (4292) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  What does that mean?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How when the cu k dos I yet u

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Focus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!! (1-248): What does that mean? (248): How when the cu k dos I yet u (1-248): Focus http://tfl.nu/kvgv
  Replies (13) Good night (1405) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7479) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it. http://tfl.nu/eofg
  Replies (11) Good night (1020) Bad night (5904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight. http://tfl.nu/tvlr
  Replies (5) Good night (3383) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (132) Good night (12127) Bad night (24666)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4023) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You don't understand. I'm not like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count (1-609): You don't understand. I'm not like you. http://tfl.nu/ja4i
  Replies (25) Good night (2229) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil. http://tfl.nu/z427
  Replies (8) Good night (503) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth? http://tfl.nu/fdur
  Replies (45) Good night (600) Bad night (3503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry" http://tfl.nu/nwle
  Replies (11) Good night (6412) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of. http://tfl.nu/16vh
  Replies (23) Good night (3946) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to." http://tfl.nu/pyn2
  Replies (16) Good night (355) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap http://tfl.nu/im6h
  Replies (11) Good night (2170) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Cause it just destroys penises

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex? (586): Cause it just destroys penises (586): Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore http://tfl.nu/7ohb
  Replies (11) Good night (562) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Did someone propose they get off the stage?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!! (708): Did someone propose they get off the stage? http://tfl.nu/mqed
  Replies (15) Good night (1963) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we http://tfl.nu/wm4n
  Replies (11) Good night (3557) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (11) Good night (9395) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/tgbz
  Replies (11) Good night (2728) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  this medicine is soooo good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone. (865): the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now" (865): this medicine is soooo good. http://tfl.nu/gt3j
  Replies (3) Good night (1197) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem http://tfl.nu/c9xv
  Replies (14) Good night (577) Bad night (2391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging http://tfl.nu/lrv8
  Replies (16) Good night (3935) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila. http://tfl.nu/ecf3
  Replies (15) Good night (4730) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/e026
  Replies (8) Good night (1516) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Do you need to be saved?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No I think I'm God

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Do you need to be saved? (847): No I think I'm God http://tfl.nu/obwr
  Replies (11) Good night (1334) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you" http://tfl.nu/44qj
  Replies (14) Good night (6837) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

  (561): View more from Florida

  But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8
  Replies (28) Good night (6621) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt. http://tfl.nu/7lkv
  Replies (25) Good night (708) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  thatta girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga. (1-812): thatta girl http://tfl.nu/kona
  Replies (28) Good night (4878) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :( http://tfl.nu/7drn
  Replies (19) Good night (911) Bad night (6332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was. http://tfl.nu/26j1
  Replies (9) Good night (1029) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (3942) Bad night (1395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight http://tfl.nu/3mek
  Replies (17) Good night (2785) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr
  Replies (12) Good night (1609) Bad night (2776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8431) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea. http://tfl.nu/uefs
  Replies (16) Good night (4750) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you. http://tfl.nu/aegn
  Replies (10) Good night (2935) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem http://tfl.nu/9xlk
  Replies (16) Good night (4970) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5259) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE. http://tfl.nu/loe7
  Replies (105) Good night (12353) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to. http://tfl.nu/mbqt
  Replies (26) Good night (5460) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college. http://tfl.nu/mdh1
  Replies (25) Good night (901) Bad night (3515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8403) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations http://tfl.nu/f8qq
  Replies (18) Good night (5080) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  ...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): ...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are http://tfl.nu/3209
  Replies (11) Good night (4405) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we agree. completely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing (1-301): that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome (301): we agree. completely http://tfl.nu/eynh
  Replies (31) Good night (8005) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7741) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again. http://tfl.nu/ig6s
  Replies (35) Good night (416) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  all she had left on were here heels. phone five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): all she had left on were here heels. phone five http://tfl.nu/azpy
  Replies (11) Good night (5032) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough. http://tfl.nu/js6s
  Replies (19) Good night (5491) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist. http://tfl.nu/5y9j
  Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before. http://tfl.nu/3qsf
  Replies (8) Good night (318) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so its atleast an 8 for creativity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?! (602): so its atleast an 8 for creativity. http://tfl.nu/ungw
  Replies (22) Good night (1115) Bad night (5318)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6558) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
  Replies (23) Good night (7606) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila. http://tfl.nu/1ja2
  Replies (6) Good night (2899) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (731) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4329) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8304) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

  (631): View more from New York

  what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47
  Replies (34) Good night (6860) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too. http://tfl.nu/c8jr
  Replies (24) Good night (471) Bad night (3900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick http://tfl.nu/0oxs
  Replies (12) Good night (850) Bad night (3852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I." http://tfl.nu/5568
  Replies (25) Good night (4013) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that? http://tfl.nu/amhf
  Replies (16) Good night (3469) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (36) Good night (10338) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke! http://tfl.nu/q0f1
  Replies (36) Good night (6647) Bad night (1649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards? http://tfl.nu/6kdc
  Replies (11) Good night (3488) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it. http://tfl.nu/727e
  Replies (26) Good night (1115) Bad night (4445)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5640) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5
  Replies (15) Good night (4010) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone. http://tfl.nu/zr80
  Replies (9) Good night (2836) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now http://tfl.nu/4db9
  Replies (31) Good night (9102) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (11) Good night (4447) Bad night (1443)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix… http://tfl.nu/f2fy
  Replies (3) Good night (1930) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6375) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now. http://tfl.nu/0eqq
  Replies (9) Good night (3352) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us" http://tfl.nu/wksb
  Replies (13) Good night (842) Bad night (3742)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8228) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism http://tfl.nu/6czv
  Replies (8) Good night (3568) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out http://tfl.nu/cxh0
  Replies (8) Good night (3761) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College." http://tfl.nu/3hlg
  Replies (11) Good night (7790) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu
  Replies (14) Good night (3919) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b
  Replies (12) Good night (1670) Bad night (2224)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I take back everything I said about communal showers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I take back everything I said about communal showers http://tfl.nu/iybg
  Replies (5) Good night (3388) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store http://tfl.nu/iz0y
  Replies (8) Good night (5819) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive. http://tfl.nu/e1l9
  Replies (10) Good night (4446) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame http://tfl.nu/f96m
  Replies (13) Good night (820) Bad night (3893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub. http://tfl.nu/91f9
  Replies (20) Good night (5207) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  People in love make me want to vomit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): People in love make me want to vomit http://tfl.nu/3x4v
  Replies (34) Good night (1454) Bad night (2487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc
  Replies (6) Good night (577) Bad night (3798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30382) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up. http://tfl.nu/mktj
  Replies (19) Good night (5697) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4542) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore http://tfl.nu/6gwp
  Replies (10) Good night (4122) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast http://tfl.nu/b4kl
  Replies (37) Good night (6450) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (832) Bad night (3826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid. http://tfl.nu/gx7i
  Replies (9) Good night (3488) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along. http://tfl.nu/x1z0
  Replies (11) Good night (696) Bad night (3596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead. http://tfl.nu/caf0
  Replies (6) Good night (3891) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (72) Good night (15134) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5361) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (6648) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr
  Replies (14) Good night (5738) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4198) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people http://tfl.nu/thju
  Replies (12) Good night (3895) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up http://tfl.nu/umx5
  Replies (15) Good night (677) Bad night (4100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6433) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars http://tfl.nu/jmti
  Replies (13) Good night (4546) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity? http://tfl.nu/ve53
  Replies (21) Good night (2266) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant. http://tfl.nu/hikv
  Replies (1) Good night (1717) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (16) Good night (7900) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all. http://tfl.nu/fj96
  Replies (7) Good night (2849) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm
  Replies (47) Good night (13670) Bad night (1419)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way? http://tfl.nu/rhdn
  Replies (25) Good night (2372) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete. http://tfl.nu/s0lg
  Replies (22) Good night (4820) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (8978) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping http://tfl.nu/vxfh
  Replies (24) Good night (4922) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight http://tfl.nu/37pc
  Replies (22) Good night (486) Bad night (2152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college

  (516): View more from New York

  is she hot?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She is now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college (516): is she hot? (802): She is now http://tfl.nu/4xoq
  Replies (34) Good night (8589) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube. (1-410): I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds. http://tfl.nu/szhm
  Replies (13) Good night (4527) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (4872) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s
  Replies (12) Good night (6119) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE http://tfl.nu/7vd6
  Replies (9) Good night (778) Bad night (4338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays? http://tfl.nu/wnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (8853) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj
  Replies (25) Good night (6415) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (7830) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
  Replies (28) Good night (6077) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edt0
  Replies (16) Good night (619) Bad night (3747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon http://tfl.nu/eqby
  Replies (5) Good night (4628) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience http://tfl.nu/48b7
  Replies (125) Good night (5360) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/srjh
  Replies (8) Good night (2717) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :( http://tfl.nu/zxos
  Replies (34) Good night (1975) Bad night (4622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign http://tfl.nu/7urn
  Replies (9) Good night (1686) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  STOP listening to that song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER (1-641): STOP listening to that song http://tfl.nu/q2fx
  Replies (78) Good night (4932) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer http://tfl.nu/6bxa
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (5759) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek
  Replies (32) Good night (17281) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize http://tfl.nu/5hy5
  Replies (17) Good night (3328) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6606) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god. http://tfl.nu/566r
  Replies (25) Good night (4718) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are. http://tfl.nu/hb6o
  Replies (10) Good night (3281) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess http://tfl.nu/vowo
  Replies (3) Good night (412) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6023) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  in pain and im wearing pink underwear

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i dont own pink underwear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): in pain and im wearing pink underwear (908): so? (609): i dont own pink underwear http://tfl.nu/78xa
  Replies (1) Good night (998) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony http://tfl.nu/e5l6
  Replies (11) Good night (3907) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
  Replies (9) Good night (7117) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  come over

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  yeah sure

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): come over (1-214): yeah sure (1-214): wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/qceh
  Replies (48) Good night (7608) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  How'd it feel making her break her religion?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): How'd it feel making her break her religion? http://tfl.nu/mxtg
  Replies (65) Good night (6160) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior. http://tfl.nu/48ho
  Replies (17) Good night (4758) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2582) Bad night (2478)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever. http://tfl.nu/jcyn
  Replies (31) Good night (7195) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5360) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5589) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer. http://tfl.nu/bdc9
  Replies (37) Good night (1921) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so horny

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm so horny (913): I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect http://tfl.nu/ggyh
  Replies (12) Good night (5418) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab. http://tfl.nu/smzr
  Replies (7) Good night (1474) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on. http://tfl.nu/vax8
  Replies (15) Good night (3234) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved http://tfl.nu/rva0
  Replies (10) Good night (2675) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there! http://tfl.nu/8urv
  Replies (14) Good night (2280) Bad night (3322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2237) Bad night (6912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex. http://tfl.nu/uspy
  Replies (13) Good night (2637) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks. http://tfl.nu/ug5h
  Replies (16) Good night (1570) Bad night (3159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  Yeah?

  (212): View more from New York

  Stuck it in his pooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911
  Replies (209) Good night (10084) Bad night (4223)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How drunk are you??

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm flawless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): How drunk are you?? (732): I'm flawless. http://tfl.nu/mygo
  Replies (8) Good night (1860) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (66) Good night (24560) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin? http://tfl.nu/3vvd
  Replies (5) Good night (3256) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (4858) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home. http://tfl.nu/wrow
  Replies (23) Good night (4625) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college http://tfl.nu/2g0y
  Replies (19) Good night (4870) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont. http://tfl.nu/ey1g
  Replies (14) Good night (602) Bad night (3202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class. http://tfl.nu/yhk3
  Replies (31) Good night (6490) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep? http://tfl.nu/pboz
  Replies (41) Good night (692) Bad night (3111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you guys were way drunker than both of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you guys were way drunker than both of me http://tfl.nu/x140
  Replies (11) Good night (8954) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin http://tfl.nu/5vsk
  Replies (15) Good night (4657) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks. http://tfl.nu/wi6e
  Replies (12) Good night (413) Bad night (3503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta. http://tfl.nu/1aj3
  Replies (29) Good night (6155) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout http://tfl.nu/qr0c
  Replies (14) Good night (4686) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?

  (1-626): View more from California

  You have mice?

  (626): View more from California

  no why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans? (1-626): You have mice? (626): no why? http://tfl.nu/7zgo
  Replies (15) Good night (3367) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu
  Replies (18) Good night (4240) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style. http://tfl.nu/a25z
  Replies (30) Good night (1881) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4411) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm http://tfl.nu/w84r
  Replies (13) Good night (732) Bad night (5096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me. http://tfl.nu/ioo3
  Replies (26) Good night (4627) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  This is evicking siegelnvs

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Im sorry?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  This is fucking ridiculous*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): This is evicking siegelnvs (443): Im sorry? (410): This is fucking ridiculous* http://tfl.nu/9l7k
  Replies (13) Good night (3558) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day. http://tfl.nu/d5nb
  Replies (27) Good night (7408) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (10846) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides http://tfl.nu/frdu
  Replies (51) Good night (11826) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much? http://tfl.nu/y3h1
  Replies (23) Good night (2976) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES! http://tfl.nu/kktf
  Replies (21) Good night (4109) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now. http://tfl.nu/52n8
  Replies (19) Good night (3247) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem. http://tfl.nu/ppj9
  Replies (27) Good night (4248) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House. http://tfl.nu/zhy5
  Replies (27) Good night (742) Bad night (2741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet http://tfl.nu/6v3o
  Replies (54) Good night (1210) Bad night (4123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover http://tfl.nu/6ccc
  Replies (46) Good night (5135) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny http://tfl.nu/9x6z
  Replies (9) Good night (431) Bad night (2797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I am full of burrito and curiosity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I am full of burrito and curiosity http://tfl.nu/k856
  Replies (24) Good night (5092) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur http://tfl.nu/wpeh
  Replies (30) Good night (4588) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/cw9o
  Replies (12) Good night (5969) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): How was your Memorial Day? (1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name. http://tfl.nu/grou
  Replies (10) Good night (3443) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6172) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/1sz9
  Replies (37) Good night (4327) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again. http://tfl.nu/vc1t
  Replies (24) Good night (3444) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9143) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (6788) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended http://tfl.nu/y5kg
  Replies (13) Good night (3106) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later. http://tfl.nu/06o9
  Replies (42) Good night (5602) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel. http://tfl.nu/te56
  Replies (10) Good night (6247) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (45) Good night (9635) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love http://tfl.nu/ix9b
  Replies (26) Good night (6170) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  another moral hangover. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): another moral hangover. fuck. http://tfl.nu/vn7k
  Replies (14) Good night (379) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10420) Bad night (1951)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about http://tfl.nu/m34e
  Replies (32) Good night (7425) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn. http://tfl.nu/kzr9
  Replies (28) Good night (668) Bad night (5109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though. http://tfl.nu/8195
  Replies (21) Good night (7493) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." http://tfl.nu/b7uw
  Replies (18) Good night (5941) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme http://tfl.nu/51hh
  Replies (10) Good night (3669) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying http://tfl.nu/e8oi
  Replies (10) Good night (7532) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack http://tfl.nu/9hdw
  Replies (32) Good night (1092) Bad night (4511)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was. http://tfl.nu/57fr
  Replies (27) Good night (5754) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them http://tfl.nu/pyve
  Replies (31) Good night (3156) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g
  Replies (13) Good night (6225) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
  Replies (56) Good night (9111) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel rough

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz
  Replies (24) Good night (438) Bad night (1533)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i got kicked out last time for laughing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night (514): i got kicked out last time for laughing http://tfl.nu/qj8w
  Replies (37) Good night (3375) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management. http://tfl.nu/afuw
  Replies (16) Good night (4470) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Where else am I to apply my creativity?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Where else am I to apply my creativity? (1-303): I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start. http://tfl.nu/ttid
  Replies (5) Good night (2931) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (5919) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8
  Replies (65) Good night (12914) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work. http://tfl.nu/cih1
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8275) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too http://tfl.nu/8tiw
  Replies (10) Good night (7022) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/6118
  Replies (11) Good night (595) Bad night (3620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline http://tfl.nu/qmbu
  Replies (6) Good night (2003) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  shaved balls and baby powder=awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): shaved balls and baby powder=awesome http://tfl.nu/ap4d
  Replies (11) Good night (864) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid http://tfl.nu/l9sh
  Replies (10) Good night (2630) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's naming her girl london marie

  (519): View more from Ontario

  that kid will be born with a tramp stamp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): she's naming her girl london marie (519): that kid will be born with a tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/2dqp
  Replies (21) Good night (721) Bad night (2692)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water. http://tfl.nu/oebe
  Replies (29) Good night (1220) Bad night (6681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  well he's currently spooning the coffee table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): well he's currently spooning the coffee table http://tfl.nu/7khb
  Replies (6) Good night (3901) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night http://tfl.nu/v3fw
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on http://tfl.nu/unra
  Replies (20) Good night (6009) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (10639) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends. http://tfl.nu/26nn
  Replies (15) Good night (1590) Bad night (3676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is. http://tfl.nu/53e5
  Replies (29) Good night (3992) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue (484): I'm in love http://tfl.nu/im8q
  Replies (5) Good night (3200) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter http://tfl.nu/pr4p
  Replies (22) Good night (4070) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6243) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude

  (765): View more from Indiana

  call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude (765): call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing http://tfl.nu/wjo2
  Replies (41) Good night (1357) Bad night (2945)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not. http://tfl.nu/h9ye
  Replies (7) Good night (1995) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4358) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out.. http://tfl.nu/o5dk
  Replies (19) Good night (5301) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat. http://tfl.nu/19vn
  Replies (14) Good night (4249) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8ema
  Replies (9) Good night (4994) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision. http://tfl.nu/lzhl
  Replies (18) Good night (973) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever. http://tfl.nu/ykgr
  Replies (64) Good night (9476) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head. http://tfl.nu/up5g
  Replies (17) Good night (5572) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!! http://tfl.nu/gtc6
  Replies (10) Good night (3795) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Yah man, that place is surreal

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Yah man, that place is surreal (731): Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal? http://tfl.nu/sga3
  Replies (70) Good night (3232) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16064) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/8hnp
  Replies (29) Good night (6587) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck. http://tfl.nu/e2r4
  Replies (11) Good night (574) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2
  Replies (44) Good night (4188) Bad night (2438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb
  Replies (29) Good night (4021) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (4999) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5404) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it! http://tfl.nu/y71c
  Replies (3) Good night (3793) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was? http://tfl.nu/e02a
  Replies (21) Good night (1214) Bad night (4350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
  Replies (5) Good night (2689) Bad night (1786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement http://tfl.nu/03ue
  Replies (8) Good night (3673) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4065) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (177) Good night (34631) Bad night (4467)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38279) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82698) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62702) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (184) Good night (53948) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face (1-334): so you're single again? (334): yea but it was worth it http://tfl.nu/2tzr
  Replies (46) Good night (4609) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors. http://tfl.nu/tdd7
  Replies (44) Good night (9884) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night. http://tfl.nu/xd4f
  Replies (22) Good night (6253) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck
  Replies (17) Good night (8512) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos! (317): Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto? (630): Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos http://tfl.nu/vb21
  Replies (20) Good night (2297) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college. http://tfl.nu/m4jf
  Replies (52) Good night (4138) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol. http://tfl.nu/7wr8
  Replies (8) Good night (437) Bad night (3383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Shut up. I did not.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish I was making that up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras. (1-918): Shut up. I did not. (918): I really wish I was making that up. http://tfl.nu/wbcz
  Replies (35) Good night (6250) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person http://tfl.nu/uj7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3371) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (960) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (23490) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls http://tfl.nu/uqfq
  Replies (11) Good night (3564) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time (732): no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution. http://tfl.nu/6mq6
  Replies (23) Good night (8220) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?

  (940): View more from Texas

  homeless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy? (940): homeless. http://tfl.nu/iz6y
  Replies (17) Good night (4448) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2126) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.

  (727): View more from Florida

  More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning. (727): More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort. http://tfl.nu/lvyr
  Replies (15) Good night (4419) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not. http://tfl.nu/7v4r
  Replies (14) Good night (1250) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over http://tfl.nu/i61z
  Replies (27) Good night (4835) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering. http://tfl.nu/vhlw
  Replies (7) Good night (3723) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in. http://tfl.nu/s63a
  Replies (39) Good night (3881) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6161) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont even know how to be here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i dont even know how to be here http://tfl.nu/mwy9
  Replies (34) Good night (5224) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away http://tfl.nu/ld5s
  Replies (14) Good night (2675) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore http://tfl.nu/l7gt
  Replies (37) Good night (5328) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26201) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock http://tfl.nu/0euc
  Replies (26) Good night (1203) Bad night (4039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d
  Replies (55) Good night (6911) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"? http://tfl.nu/n4zp
  Replies (22) Good night (1061) Bad night (7196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (26) Good night (5607) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem http://tfl.nu/p4jh
  Replies (19) Good night (4503) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he wasnt completely random

  (914): View more from New York

  you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i get things done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): he wasnt completely random (914): you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont (201): i get things done. http://tfl.nu/5ew9
  Replies (14) Good night (981) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer? http://tfl.nu/g4aq
  Replies (33) Good night (1455) Bad night (5612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'. http://tfl.nu/aatj
  Replies (44) Good night (1387) Bad night (5868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again. http://tfl.nu/0bz7
  Replies (10) Good night (4145) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight http://tfl.nu/z6vl
  Replies (22) Good night (4085) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty" http://tfl.nu/dezg
  Replies (13) Good night (862) Bad night (4093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros. http://tfl.nu/aucf
  Replies (19) Good night (371) Bad night (3292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick... http://tfl.nu/36kw
  Replies (67) Good night (5166) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass. http://tfl.nu/ng8b
  Replies (71) Good night (6063) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie http://tfl.nu/ovq9
  Replies (16) Good night (607) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol. http://tfl.nu/cmai
  Replies (21) Good night (3428) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters. http://tfl.nu/m9v3
  Replies (8) Good night (3776) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (7667) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I like you better when you drink

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I like you better when I drink too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I like you better when you drink (708): I like you better when I drink too http://tfl.nu/cvjp
  Replies (15) Good night (4207) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1462) Bad night (3150)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college. http://tfl.nu/379h
  Replies (44) Good night (3967) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (5845) Bad night (6397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park. http://tfl.nu/5xdu
  Replies (11) Good night (654) Bad night (3787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (15444) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9349) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4
  Replies (18) Good night (5049) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4259) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it http://tfl.nu/qght
  Replies (4) Good night (1481) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together. http://tfl.nu/fujj
  Replies (13) Good night (4750) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  If you're joking I'm going to be sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's. (919): If you're joking I'm going to be sad http://tfl.nu/jh0h
  Replies (39) Good night (8626) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that" (1-630): Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere. http://tfl.nu/8i7j
  Replies (11) Good night (742) Bad night (2439)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff. http://tfl.nu/0w18
  Replies (9) Good night (3453) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2
  Replies (17) Good night (586) Bad night (2965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with. http://tfl.nu/8rek
  Replies (43) Good night (4501) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters http://tfl.nu/l7fh
  Replies (39) Good night (4664) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room http://tfl.nu/2vn0
  Replies (12) Good night (4062) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight http://tfl.nu/1a1e
  Replies (11) Good night (3494) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful http://tfl.nu/oafq
  Replies (19) Good night (6908) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out. http://tfl.nu/7k9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5130) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
  Replies (19) Good night (4229) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful? http://tfl.nu/pwsi
  Replies (9) Good night (655) Bad night (3347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay. http://tfl.nu/4bqn
  Replies (12) Good night (1387) Bad night (4225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping http://tfl.nu/w61z
  Replies (18) Good night (825) Bad night (4704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after? http://tfl.nu/ai6n
  Replies (45) Good night (913) Bad night (5083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options. http://tfl.nu/3za2
  Replies (33) Good night (3518) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix http://tfl.nu/hrwb
  Replies (21) Good night (644) Bad night (2833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows. http://tfl.nu/wtg2
  Replies (19) Good night (887) Bad night (3033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY. http://tfl.nu/81vu
  Replies (22) Good night (851) Bad night (3116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): 3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4. http://tfl.nu/2tep
  Replies (16) Good night (7104) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits http://tfl.nu/a8f8
  Replies (15) Good night (4822) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness http://tfl.nu/oa7w
  Replies (11) Good night (3253) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Public safety found my id!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Public safety found my id! (248): And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had. http://tfl.nu/apb6
  Replies (15) Good night (5076) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka http://tfl.nu/w8nb
  Replies (9) Good night (953) Bad night (3505)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin. http://tfl.nu/d7w8
  Replies (7) Good night (3722) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (12455) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away. http://tfl.nu/ldh5
  Replies (6) Good night (3618) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God. http://tfl.nu/l6po
  Replies (20) Good night (7583) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d
  Replies (19) Good night (3768) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

  (281): View more from Texas

  No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time. (281): No. Just liquor. Time's no good. http://tfl.nu/1yv7
  Replies (14) Good night (2564) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv http://tfl.nu/8yma
  Replies (17) Good night (4069) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (4653) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight. http://tfl.nu/evaz
  Replies (19) Good night (682) Bad night (4313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (7595) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4004) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt
  Replies (9) Good night (4799) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them. http://tfl.nu/ng5q
  Replies (9) Good night (2610) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (16752) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (16) Good night (6993) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
  Replies (30) Good night (3888) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw
  Replies (84) Good night (12509) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (7919) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew. http://tfl.nu/u42t
  Replies (14) Good night (2742) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies. http://tfl.nu/dozm
  Replies (10) Good night (4829) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8442) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28202) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3075) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night. (1-931): That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man! http://tfl.nu/4819
  Replies (17) Good night (708) Bad night (4360)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...

  (301): View more from Maryland

  New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics... (301): New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey http://tfl.nu/918b
  Replies (15) Good night (1570) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there... http://tfl.nu/bdjq
  Replies (30) Good night (359) Bad night (1873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16989) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9035) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him. http://tfl.nu/gqvc
  Replies (13) Good night (654) Bad night (3224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (7771) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

  (817): View more from Texas

  I was drunk but it's true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that." (817): I was drunk but it's true http://tfl.nu/5hb1
  Replies (10) Good night (3666) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship... http://tfl.nu/725d
  Replies (12) Good night (612) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (5719) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport http://tfl.nu/bmz0
  Replies (25) Good night (4690) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I've always been the spiritual type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc
  Replies (27) Good night (7226) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. http://tfl.nu/xrnk
  Replies (160) Good night (30497) Bad night (1615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1154) Bad night (8644)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it. http://tfl.nu/t2uq
  Replies (9) Good night (3525) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ? (770): I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no. http://tfl.nu/wmyv
  Replies (14) Good night (1505) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america http://tfl.nu/n1lq
  Replies (27) Good night (7902) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16674) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8904) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (3975) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5151) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator. http://tfl.nu/ifrq
  Replies (18) Good night (7176) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause http://tfl.nu/0zau
  Replies (65) Good night (16590) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it" http://tfl.nu/ynj0
  Replies (13) Good night (2875) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride? http://tfl.nu/qrch
  Replies (118) Good night (712) Bad night (8134)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake http://tfl.nu/xsco
  Replies (50) Good night (5682) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight. (773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal http://tfl.nu/9vmu
  Replies (9) Good night (1343) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/c4tr
  Replies (25) Good night (6268) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate. http://tfl.nu/k2b3
  Replies (39) Good night (1398) Bad night (4512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there. http://tfl.nu/dxiw
  Replies (7) Good night (3722) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long. http://tfl.nu/t49w
  Replies (7) Good night (3398) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it http://tfl.nu/18g9
  Replies (23) Good night (10621) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night. http://tfl.nu/bhg6
  Replies (12) Good night (1586) Bad night (2844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I think you know the answer.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How can I marinade myself in Vodka?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks. (810): I think you know the answer. (248): How can I marinade myself in Vodka? http://tfl.nu/cvlx
  Replies (12) Good night (3614) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket http://tfl.nu/cdhn
  Replies (39) Good night (2663) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7721) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/njzt
  Replies (18) Good night (4741) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4608) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  six.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh, I thought it was higher.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  No, that would be the Matt's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg
  Replies (33) Good night (6391) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited. http://tfl.nu/jj7l
  Replies (6) Good night (3224) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
  Replies (9) Good night (5833) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day

  (240): View more from Maryland

  hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day (240): hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine http://tfl.nu/f8k7
  Replies (10) Good night (3962) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.' http://tfl.nu/l1oz
  Replies (18) Good night (391) Bad night (3004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back http://tfl.nu/1qlt
  Replies (16) Good night (6972) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And I thought

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Fuck I do that shit every weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself' (586): And I thought (586): Fuck I do that shit every weekend http://tfl.nu/q5n0
  Replies (1) Good night (684) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall http://tfl.nu/nke4
  Replies (19) Good night (4697) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight... http://tfl.nu/bbui
  Replies (11) Good night (3246) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it http://tfl.nu/xcmh
  Replies (19) Good night (502) Bad night (3294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy. http://tfl.nu/x9uw
  Replies (50) Good night (9381) Bad night (2000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently. http://tfl.nu/85of
  Replies (7) Good night (3312) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you http://tfl.nu/blf7
  Replies (38) Good night (9485) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/rjab
  Replies (81) Good night (7941) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  condoms and good judgment

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Can I buy both of those at the same store?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice? (1-614): condoms and good judgment (614): Can I buy both of those at the same store? http://tfl.nu/qy9b
  Replies (0) Good night (3656) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion (202): He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction http://tfl.nu/lcwv
  Replies (58) Good night (495) Bad night (5042)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes. http://tfl.nu/ahu2
  Replies (32) Good night (4268) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (2775) Bad night (13920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We need to get cat food

  (713): View more from Texas

  Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We need to get cat food (713): Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms http://tfl.nu/t07l
  Replies (23) Good night (4958) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet http://tfl.nu/ttdp
  Replies (41) Good night (5125) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.

  (310): View more from California

  wait, who's paul?

  (917): View more from New York City

  exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing. (310): wait, who's paul? (917): exactly. http://tfl.nu/h90s
  Replies (6) Good night (1393) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized http://tfl.nu/g99b
  Replies (12) Good night (3542) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it http://tfl.nu/n2yq
  Replies (11) Good night (831) Bad night (3607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance.. http://tfl.nu/o07j
  Replies (9) Good night (4297) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think im pregnant

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think you have the wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I think im pregnant (803): I think you have the wrong number http://tfl.nu/a8yw
  Replies (66) Good night (879) Bad night (5125)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities http://tfl.nu/t8hr
  Replies (7) Good night (5262) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Acid is not a monday night drug

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Acid is not a monday night drug http://tfl.nu/0lf0
  Replies (44) Good night (1456) Bad night (3939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle" http://tfl.nu/m65a
  Replies (17) Good night (6785) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life. http://tfl.nu/ieq0
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (3189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester. http://tfl.nu/t9ow
  Replies (16) Good night (8018) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Let's do it. All homo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks." (1-708): Let's do it. All homo http://tfl.nu/evdg
  Replies (30) Good night (4093) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9
  Replies (11) Good night (4061) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9669) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING http://tfl.nu/vg2h
  Replies (18) Good night (5630) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz
  Replies (14) Good night (4712) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking. http://tfl.nu/oesf
  Replies (7) Good night (842) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/587x
  Replies (14) Good night (4743) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it" http://tfl.nu/cfuj
  Replies (111) Good night (3331) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right? http://tfl.nu/a8lp
  Replies (25) Good night (3511) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again. (1-508): Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years? (508): Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome http://tfl.nu/sfo6
  Replies (18) Good night (2150) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control. http://tfl.nu/zcsv
  Replies (5) Good night (3386) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave. http://tfl.nu/zhay
  Replies (6) Good night (1198) Bad night (3527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that. http://tfl.nu/9h2q
  Replies (11) Good night (5192) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (3984) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Why does tequilla always make you text me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate. (240): Why does tequilla always make you text me? http://tfl.nu/qeax
  Replies (13) Good night (3792) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (4829) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink. http://tfl.nu/r79d
  Replies (11) Good night (866) Bad night (3125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal http://tfl.nu/c4vg
  Replies (21) Good night (7662) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times http://tfl.nu/z2iz
  Replies (12) Good night (6097) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately. http://tfl.nu/h16j
  Replies (11) Good night (5353) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5752) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3109) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right. http://tfl.nu/nc3r
  Replies (14) Good night (3875) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3181) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So you threw a sword at me last night (419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised. http://tfl.nu/6fwc
  Replies (11) Good night (5349) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8450) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us http://tfl.nu/tf5l
  Replies (4) Good night (3173) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1312) Bad night (4866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs. http://tfl.nu/ukka
  Replies (3) Good night (4080) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (16830) Bad night (2262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  They are making fun of natty and blackberries.

  (646): View more from New York

  Tell them they are ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): They are making fun of natty and blackberries. (646): Tell them they are ugly. http://tfl.nu/s2y1
  Replies (8) Good night (3675) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight. http://tfl.nu/9c3v
  Replies (40) Good night (2949) Bad night (6600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome. http://tfl.nu/2x6n
  Replies (8) Good night (3912) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is? http://tfl.nu/uyol
  Replies (10) Good night (4439) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago http://tfl.nu/00sj
  Replies (20) Good night (5949) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5747) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14396) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  it glows. i had to have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq
  Replies (14) Good night (5037) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8551) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water. http://tfl.nu/9vgl
  Replies (6) Good night (4187) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16028) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better. http://tfl.nu/z41g
  Replies (13) Good night (4296) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14183) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh
  Replies (7) Good night (3843) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1355) Bad night (4925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers. http://tfl.nu/q78w
  Replies (9) Good night (3219) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance http://tfl.nu/rrp5
  Replies (56) Good night (5376) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  whatever it's not my family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment. (1-847): whatever it's not my family http://tfl.nu/qbfh
  Replies (1) Good night (1981) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight. http://tfl.nu/7bae
  Replies (3) Good night (1229) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy http://tfl.nu/yz4e
  Replies (4) Good night (2422) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway. http://tfl.nu/y0w4
  Replies (9) Good night (3344) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
  Replies (31) Good night (5705) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits http://tfl.nu/ppej
  Replies (37) Good night (5576) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof http://tfl.nu/58vn
  Replies (8) Good night (4842) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (564): View more from Washington

  He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (564): He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns http://tfl.nu/yiwx
  Replies (13) Good night (4579) Bad night (1319)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3302) Bad night (8618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
  Replies (22) Good night (5763) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Hm. I declare blue a flavor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Hm. I declare blue a flavor. http://tfl.nu/1q5w
  Replies (58) Good night (6424) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself http://tfl.nu/96ze
  Replies (70) Good night (6708) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday http://tfl.nu/tvj7
  Replies (23) Good night (5648) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon http://tfl.nu/mdvf
  Replies (16) Good night (700) Bad night (4517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/ubfv
  Replies (8) Good night (1560) Bad night (2722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style... http://tfl.nu/4o8k
  Replies (21) Good night (1669) Bad night (7262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna have a badass scar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm gonna have a badass scar http://tfl.nu/vp2m
  Replies (3) Good night (1217) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow (802): Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow http://tfl.nu/mba8
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (2538)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party http://tfl.nu/dv0f
  Replies (7) Good night (2620) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet. http://tfl.nu/slw0
  Replies (9) Good night (3209) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"

  (631): View more from New York

  I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship" (631): I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint... http://tfl.nu/594s
  Replies (19) Good night (3913) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking http://tfl.nu/q6i0
  Replies (17) Good night (3781) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1152) Bad night (8507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts http://tfl.nu/21q5
  Replies (6) Good night (3962) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable. http://tfl.nu/b0tu
  Replies (18) Good night (564) Bad night (2908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet. http://tfl.nu/d6lo
  Replies (17) Good night (3567) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen. http://tfl.nu/puzs
  Replies (27) Good night (730) Bad night (10743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Either way I should probably pregame on the plane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Either way I should probably pregame on the plane http://tfl.nu/xs77
  Replies (10) Good night (4919) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo
  Replies (15) Good night (7012) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags http://tfl.nu/uxsx
  Replies (12) Good night (589) Bad night (4193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx
  Replies (18) Good night (9108) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know. http://tfl.nu/n0su
  Replies (40) Good night (5838) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5494) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers http://tfl.nu/2g28
  Replies (3) Good night (2352) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (12741) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6144) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my mouth tastes like poor choices

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): my mouth tastes like poor choices http://tfl.nu/2d46
  Replies (29) Good night (978) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome http://tfl.nu/kwzn
  Replies (13) Good night (5673) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm not a real person

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry, everyone knows that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I'm not a real person (586): I'm sorry, everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/uvd5
  Replies (4) Good night (504) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l
  Replies (41) Good night (1789) Bad night (4847)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
  Replies (25) Good night (11167) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5703) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour. http://tfl.nu/8whx
  Replies (16) Good night (4190) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn
  Replies (7) Good night (3832) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8135) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11794) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress. http://tfl.nu/wf9p
  Replies (20) Good night (906) Bad night (6483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0
  Replies (19) Good night (5039) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better. http://tfl.nu/5tpe
  Replies (18) Good night (4134) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party http://tfl.nu/p535
  Replies (17) Good night (5515) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault. http://tfl.nu/lznh
  Replies (111) Good night (6123) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  tonight lets celebrate not being married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): tonight lets celebrate not being married http://tfl.nu/u5lc
  Replies (19) Good night (6657) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): 3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals. http://tfl.nu/21ij
  Replies (12) Good night (2499) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final http://tfl.nu/3a2h
  Replies (11) Good night (4966) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7623) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met. http://tfl.nu/wpe7
  Replies (9) Good night (2936) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride http://tfl.nu/utbu
  Replies (47) Good night (797) Bad night (7280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead. http://tfl.nu/jayy
  Replies (19) Good night (1500) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment. http://tfl.nu/63yr
  Replies (11) Good night (3504) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong" http://tfl.nu/catg
  Replies (31) Good night (5691) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

  (619): View more from California

  you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci
  Replies (22) Good night (6308) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!" http://tfl.nu/halh
  Replies (7) Good night (1067) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so no drinking for you?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  don't be silly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party (423): so no drinking for you? (615): don't be silly http://tfl.nu/xiol
  Replies (50) Good night (9177) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever. http://tfl.nu/wklp
  Replies (28) Good night (5268) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1136) Bad night (5110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning. http://tfl.nu/va2c
  Replies (20) Good night (4015) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly http://tfl.nu/6dbu
  Replies (5) Good night (1571) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it http://tfl.nu/sdds
  Replies (13) Good night (5388) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine http://tfl.nu/51sq
  Replies (22) Good night (5119) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her http://tfl.nu/gcpo
  Replies (11) Good night (994) Bad night (3961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today. http://tfl.nu/rr17
  Replies (18) Good night (4227) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out (574): You never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/7cst
  Replies (18) Good night (4985) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5408) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy. http://tfl.nu/xos0
  Replies (10) Good night (5369) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars, http://tfl.nu/j4u2
  Replies (14) Good night (4759) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/0bns
  Replies (22) Good night (2717) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  No. You're kidding.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto! (1-919): No. You're kidding. (919): I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth. http://tfl.nu/fp67
  Replies (37) Good night (439) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper. (1-912): Who leaves their car unlocked at night? (912): Someone who wants to read the newspaper. http://tfl.nu/c19o
  Replies (23) Good night (6657) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Look at my ENTIRE past

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Might as well have a blog about it at this point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Look at my ENTIRE past (586): Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought (586): Might as well have a blog about it at this point http://tfl.nu/6cdo
  Replies (6) Good night (768) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8223) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr! http://tfl.nu/r5un
  Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend? http://tfl.nu/lq8q
  Replies (85) Good night (17053) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join? http://tfl.nu/idc6
  Replies (16) Good night (3961) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you? http://tfl.nu/5voi
  Replies (13) Good night (5093) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Too much gin, very little bucket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Too much gin, very little bucket http://tfl.nu/etvy
  Replies (14) Good night (695) Bad night (3574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead http://tfl.nu/949y
  Replies (8) Good night (1063) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Update, its a couple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho. (402): Update, its a couple http://tfl.nu/mrbp
  Replies (16) Good night (6307) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details. http://tfl.nu/93dt
  Replies (26) Good night (6117) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk? (1-705): I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month. http://tfl.nu/0dv4
  Replies (14) Good night (3470) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby http://tfl.nu/pq9s
  Replies (5) Good night (466) Bad night (2512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer. http://tfl.nu/ndy8
  Replies (17) Good night (4258) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/c874
  Replies (12) Good night (6644) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I heard you threw up in your lap?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I heard that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I heard you threw up in your lap? (1-541): I heard that too. http://tfl.nu/s86w
  Replies (9) Good night (1346) Bad night (3407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24327) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (5962) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said" http://tfl.nu/5y3k
  Replies (39) Good night (2379) Bad night (4715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back http://tfl.nu/8662
  Replies (14) Good night (4697) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (813) Bad night (2219)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  how was your night?

  (212): View more from New York

  well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): how was your night? (212): well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was? http://tfl.nu/mtku
  Replies (24) Good night (1035) Bad night (3908)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha http://tfl.nu/wuor
  Replies (21) Good night (3464) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7593) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism http://tfl.nu/1jbk
  Replies (12) Good night (410) Bad night (2263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on http://tfl.nu/ydv9
  Replies (7) Good night (4408) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night http://tfl.nu/ih63
  Replies (5) Good night (4352) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (9970) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  wait... oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM (616): Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek? (401): wait... oh http://tfl.nu/kgtx
  Replies (9) Good night (2909) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7502) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing. http://tfl.nu/uzza
  Replies (71) Good night (19869) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything? http://tfl.nu/ldjb
  Replies (24) Good night (5038) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories http://tfl.nu/tcvk
  Replies (7) Good night (2690) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that. http://tfl.nu/bq5s
  Replies (10) Good night (5144) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college http://tfl.nu/n77e
  Replies (11) Good night (874) Bad night (3660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep. http://tfl.nu/j5ig
  Replies (9) Good night (4920) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt
  Replies (42) Good night (6055) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how to spell recollection?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there (412): You know how to spell recollection? http://tfl.nu/3vjh
  Replies (16) Good night (5157) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along. http://tfl.nu/kf9k
  Replies (34) Good night (8724) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  at least I said it was good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter (1-314): at least I said it was good http://tfl.nu/h772
  Replies (25) Good night (5319) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23965) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy. http://tfl.nu/msnn
  Replies (39) Good night (5231) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me. http://tfl.nu/23e4
  Replies (35) Good night (1242) Bad night (3602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/w2pr
  Replies (22) Good night (6448) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush. http://tfl.nu/l70n
  Replies (16) Good night (6514) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub? (1-250): tequila http://tfl.nu/yi12
  Replies (12) Good night (4905) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8292) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong http://tfl.nu/3qv8
  Replies (17) Good night (5356) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
  Replies (31) Good night (7482) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again http://tfl.nu/gd8v
  Replies (15) Good night (4371) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (5913) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  You going to midnight mass? we need a dd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): You going to midnight mass? we need a dd http://tfl.nu/65xe
  Replies (54) Good night (7430) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one. http://tfl.nu/s8l0
  Replies (9) Good night (3791) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga http://tfl.nu/wuq5
  Replies (45) Good night (4623) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I did the walk of shame to another booty call

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't think that should turn me on, but it does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I did the walk of shame to another booty call (269): I don't think that should turn me on, but it does http://tfl.nu/0yjb
  Replies (11) Good night (2128) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (7631) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (1625) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it was a shit show

  (917): View more from New York City

  We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it was a shit show (917): We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet. http://tfl.nu/uvin
  Replies (3) Good night (815) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+? http://tfl.nu/fsug
  Replies (15) Good night (8568) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You love popeyes more than me

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You love popeyes more than me (1-402): does delicious chicken come out of your vagina? http://tfl.nu/hcyr
  Replies (34) Good night (4452) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas http://tfl.nu/5abk
  Replies (22) Good night (7883) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb

  (209): View more from California

  it's ELEVEN

  (310): View more from California

  thirty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb (209): it's ELEVEN (310): thirty http://tfl.nu/ukrj
  Replies (32) Good night (4398) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/vvmp
  Replies (21) Good night (5757) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes http://tfl.nu/6w2z
  Replies (10) Good night (5221) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus. http://tfl.nu/scm8
  Replies (17) Good night (7263) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...

  (450): View more from Quebec

  On that note, do I have a rule?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (450): I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc... (450): On that note, do I have a rule? http://tfl.nu/u1td
  Replies (15) Good night (4438) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
  Replies (15) Good night (5318) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza http://tfl.nu/44q3
  Replies (24) Good night (6200) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either. http://tfl.nu/3i4x
  Replies (12) Good night (7435) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
  Replies (24) Good night (10574) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (7798) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/zwpt
  Replies (50) Good night (4606) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final. http://tfl.nu/j44u
  Replies (9) Good night (5127) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world http://tfl.nu/tdpx
  Replies (70) Good night (7925) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo http://tfl.nu/rg6x
  Replies (36) Good night (5621) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this http://tfl.nu/x9rq
  Replies (27) Good night (3013) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe". http://tfl.nu/cnav
  Replies (7) Good night (2198) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5099) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I understand why you refuse to be sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I understand why you refuse to be sober now http://tfl.nu/j30b
  Replies (8) Good night (4568) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  That was long passed due.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol" (262): That was long passed due. http://tfl.nu/6bqu
  Replies (36) Good night (4789) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us. http://tfl.nu/q48d
  Replies (7) Good night (5152) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Odds of those being real?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  One in who gives a fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Odds of those being real? (614): One in who gives a fuck http://tfl.nu/agkd
  Replies (91) Good night (4644) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub http://tfl.nu/5zqx
  Replies (5) Good night (4422) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"? http://tfl.nu/okve
  Replies (9) Good night (5453) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake. http://tfl.nu/1bz8
  Replies (7) Good night (2235) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him http://tfl.nu/3fbj
  Replies (21) Good night (1111) Bad night (8471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10354) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head. http://tfl.nu/uhfs
  Replies (7) Good night (4087) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7146) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7095) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/rgow
  Replies (19) Good night (5171) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm" http://tfl.nu/ynyp
  Replies (64) Good night (6183) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me. http://tfl.nu/9j20
  Replies (58) Good night (3736) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u
  Replies (36) Good night (9880) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts

  (678): View more from Georgia

  too late i think im gettin a gcui

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts (678): too late i think im gettin a gcui http://tfl.nu/nfhn
  Replies (12) Good night (515) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb
  Replies (35) Good night (6615) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events. http://tfl.nu/5em3
  Replies (16) Good night (1775) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  jesus mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum? (773): jesus mom http://tfl.nu/qe6d
  Replies (11) Good night (561) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk http://tfl.nu/o6oo
  Replies (63) Good night (9085) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta
  Replies (40) Good night (2947) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof. http://tfl.nu/he9o
  Replies (4) Good night (883) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8571) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

  (387): View more from

  I don't know what to judge you more for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods. (387): I don't know what to judge you more for. http://tfl.nu/wm5k
  Replies (18) Good night (3707) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah
  Replies (18) Good night (5740) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10339) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8959) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13184) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass. http://tfl.nu/1b7s
  Replies (10) Good night (4484) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8546) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  tasteful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked (1-812): tasteful. http://tfl.nu/syjz
  Replies (17) Good night (4160) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23041) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (9763) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me. http://tfl.nu/c00l
  Replies (26) Good night (5690) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7152) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night. http://tfl.nu/49y3
  Replies (18) Good night (4256) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom http://tfl.nu/66s8
  Replies (32) Good night (1392) Bad night (4520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Clearly I went along with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her (732): Clearly I went along with it http://tfl.nu/y5y5
  Replies (5) Good night (4382) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority. http://tfl.nu/3oej
  Replies (18) Good night (4893) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1578) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew. http://tfl.nu/v7c1
  Replies (7) Good night (3935) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life. http://tfl.nu/ggva
  Replies (14) Good night (8152) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5381) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok
  Replies (29) Good night (10399) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3946)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5328) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover http://tfl.nu/k1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1197) Bad night (3836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love. http://tfl.nu/wggk
  Replies (10) Good night (5783) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape (617): wtf, did you fuck a retard?! http://tfl.nu/q1iv
  Replies (11) Good night (617) Bad night (3896)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass (901): fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings http://tfl.nu/b0u6
  Replies (118) Good night (4084) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts. http://tfl.nu/py1e
  Replies (22) Good night (1832) Bad night (3187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake http://tfl.nu/pvxf
  Replies (4) Good night (3029) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky... http://tfl.nu/anut
  Replies (22) Good night (1572) Bad night (3014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower http://tfl.nu/mfse
  Replies (11) Good night (3828) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver. http://tfl.nu/1xbw
  Replies (39) Good night (506) Bad night (4118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here http://tfl.nu/hhg1
  Replies (16) Good night (5086) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25206) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad". http://tfl.nu/gpn1
  Replies (12) Good night (3619) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this http://tfl.nu/0jv4
  Replies (30) Good night (4995) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore... http://tfl.nu/uw33
  Replies (29) Good night (4393) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (35015) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (17758) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
  Replies (19) Good night (6799) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9168) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9800) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was http://tfl.nu/vjju
  Replies (4) Good night (802) Bad night (3742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious. http://tfl.nu/avof
  Replies (14) Good night (714) Bad night (6959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night http://tfl.nu/zz66
  Replies (47) Good night (398) Bad night (2877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8297) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/i5uc
  Replies (6) Good night (661) Bad night (3065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz
  Replies (8) Good night (835) Bad night (3425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No its what 21 year olds are made for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety? (303): No its what 21 year olds are made for http://tfl.nu/2f7c
  Replies (10) Good night (1661) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words. http://tfl.nu/vqcb
  Replies (25) Good night (935) Bad night (2360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function. http://tfl.nu/u3j5
  Replies (73) Good night (1019) Bad night (4358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later." http://tfl.nu/4lz3
  Replies (14) Good night (2119) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/5buf
  Replies (7) Good night (3826) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate. http://tfl.nu/5lpe
  Replies (13) Good night (5647) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good http://tfl.nu/mzsl
  Replies (8) Good night (2764) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video http://tfl.nu/p3je
  Replies (14) Good night (6564) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  No more Irish car bombs ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): No more Irish car bombs ever. http://tfl.nu/mjsz
  Replies (12) Good night (2804) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask. http://tfl.nu/1jf3
  Replies (8) Good night (532) Bad night (1825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (50) Good night (14296) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's 1 pm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words. (1-203): it's 1 pm. http://tfl.nu/0ewp
  Replies (29) Good night (8184) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break http://tfl.nu/l0jq
  Replies (19) Good night (5001) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ilti
  Replies (42) Good night (9682) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (7525) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death http://tfl.nu/irfc
  Replies (14) Good night (3379) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience http://tfl.nu/ta5s
  Replies (13) Good night (993) Bad night (5790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil. http://tfl.nu/drc4
  Replies (13) Good night (7099) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i'm lost and i look like a hooker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): i'm lost and i look like a hooker http://tfl.nu/mbk3
  Replies (18) Good night (1140) Bad night (3728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (381): View more from

  I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (381): I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore. http://tfl.nu/l0iw
  Replies (15) Good night (1116) Bad night (3004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?

  (212): View more from New York

  Vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type? (212): Vagina http://tfl.nu/du5r
  Replies (9) Good night (1802) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school http://tfl.nu/joeo
  Replies (19) Good night (3773) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole http://tfl.nu/f6uw
  Replies (4) Good night (3429) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I painted my nails silver

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And what are the implications of that?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I painted my nails silver (586): And what are the implications of that? (313): Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien http://tfl.nu/iy32
  Replies (3) Good night (1538) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/zo0y
  Replies (17) Good night (6964) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on. http://tfl.nu/nsc2
  Replies (20) Good night (5282) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was. http://tfl.nu/5vrd
  Replies (41) Good night (4718) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12
  Replies (9) Good night (898) Bad night (3925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking (1-503): I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning http://tfl.nu/mjdo
  Replies (14) Good night (4449) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance." http://tfl.nu/5agg
  Replies (35) Good night (6911) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us. http://tfl.nu/mwl1
  Replies (20) Good night (4428) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just want to hang out with her.

  (916): View more from California

  You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just want to hang out with her. (916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you. http://tfl.nu/9qvp
  Replies (24) Good night (1509) Bad night (3494)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me. http://tfl.nu/a7z0
  Replies (31) Good night (2598) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry http://tfl.nu/lyzu
  Replies (127) Good night (4842) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place. http://tfl.nu/cfbh
  Replies (19) Good night (789) Bad night (4562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night. http://tfl.nu/edgl
  Replies (15) Good night (4000) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/cawx
  Replies (3) Good night (1045) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve. http://tfl.nu/pov9
  Replies (21) Good night (4646) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS** http://tfl.nu/fjtm
  Replies (58) Good night (1446) Bad night (3936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.

  (1-661): View more from California

  Lol thats a classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me. (1-661): Lol thats a classic http://tfl.nu/zpo3
  Replies (31) Good night (4840) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much" http://tfl.nu/mqwd
  Replies (47) Good night (4680) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3508) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Booty call?

  (310): View more from California

  Dude you don't even follow my twitter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Booty call? (310): Dude you don't even follow my twitter http://tfl.nu/5q8u
  Replies (15) Good night (432) Bad night (2418)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous? (778): Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely. (604): Ohh that happened after I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/giil
  Replies (14) Good night (665) Bad night (4221)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo (918): Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought http://tfl.nu/a8il
  Replies (33) Good night (917) Bad night (1860)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me. http://tfl.nu/n11o
  Replies (46) Good night (2038) Bad night (7745)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical. http://tfl.nu/h352
  Replies (129) Good night (13794) Bad night (2636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever http://tfl.nu/z6zx
  Replies (18) Good night (5864) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk (586): I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite http://tfl.nu/tt9d
  Replies (4) Good night (906) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one. http://tfl.nu/wrt6
  Replies (34) Good night (8963) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them. http://tfl.nu/o468
  Replies (10) Good night (3209) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4551) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!! http://tfl.nu/du0v
  Replies (3) Good night (1547) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5680) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot." http://tfl.nu/jk33
  Replies (16) Good night (1349) Bad night (4460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on... http://tfl.nu/5u5y
  Replies (19) Good night (3937) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc
  Replies (11) Good night (3626) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter http://tfl.nu/o0yy
  Replies (33) Good night (1248) Bad night (6070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up. http://tfl.nu/3bej
  Replies (33) Good night (4071) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk http://tfl.nu/jf67
  Replies (29) Good night (3780) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2034) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home http://tfl.nu/32l0
  Replies (53) Good night (26400) Bad night (2228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night http://tfl.nu/co3c
  Replies (32) Good night (5309) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick http://tfl.nu/pgxx
  Replies (39) Good night (3530) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe. http://tfl.nu/gys8
  Replies (10) Good night (2839) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5024) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up. http://tfl.nu/8n4w
  Replies (7) Good night (643) Bad night (4516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat. http://tfl.nu/jbsx
  Replies (62) Good night (9464) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life. http://tfl.nu/zrqp
  Replies (41) Good night (4662) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT. http://tfl.nu/52hv
  Replies (39) Good night (4787) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy http://tfl.nu/gzdd
  Replies (15) Good night (1019) Bad night (2269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Nevermind, it's not water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle. (907): Nevermind, it's not water. http://tfl.nu/jzsy
  Replies (24) Good night (6814) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone. http://tfl.nu/rlid
  Replies (69) Good night (4757) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell

  (720): View more from Colorado

  That's the classiest thing you've ever said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell (720): That's the classiest thing you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/sstw
  Replies (44) Good night (5772) Bad night (1689)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6336) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night.. http://tfl.nu/3lun
  Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (3342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years. http://tfl.nu/zmw5
  Replies (18) Good night (3606) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian http://tfl.nu/6wog
  Replies (62) Good night (8156) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good. http://tfl.nu/3acn
  Replies (19) Good night (1092) Bad night (5921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (25446) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (8903) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9443) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  how was your day?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): how was your day? (404): fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i? http://tfl.nu/0urf
  Replies (20) Good night (8840) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8
  Replies (20) Good night (10643) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1
  Replies (23) Good night (10963) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14247) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19376) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" http://tfl.nu/vlcz
  Replies (46) Good night (15387) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (16458) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15981) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17140) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party http://tfl.nu/47pk
  Replies (33) Good night (11954) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow http://tfl.nu/sj2l
  Replies (13) Good night (5081) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
  Replies (32) Good night (5022) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What'd you guys eat?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Literally everything that was frozen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): What'd you guys eat? (1-918): Literally everything that was frozen. http://tfl.nu/igjp
  Replies (8) Good night (3940) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8060) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing. http://tfl.nu/gzcy
  Replies (26) Good night (13105) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout. http://tfl.nu/bt4a
  Replies (5) Good night (3890) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"... http://tfl.nu/vy09
  Replies (6) Good night (4483) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist. http://tfl.nu/jqdb
  Replies (18) Good night (5042) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7074) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4
  Replies (15) Good night (7154) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/zwfn
  Replies (25) Good night (7290) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
  Replies (24) Good night (6990) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7483) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15 http://tfl.nu/mt2n
  Replies (33) Good night (7231) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila. http://tfl.nu/7qws
  Replies (15) Good night (7298) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w
  Replies (29) Good night (7604) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS. http://tfl.nu/9dm1
  Replies (27) Good night (8284) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (8617) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8151) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace. http://tfl.nu/hmhd
  Replies (48) Good night (7276) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone http://tfl.nu/p73u
  Replies (43) Good night (715) Bad night (6573)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh and I threw up on myself...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine (303): Oh and I threw up on myself... http://tfl.nu/hxn5
  Replies (41) Good night (1429) Bad night (6918)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  three words: i give head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  three words: not that well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): three words: i give head (770): three words: not that well http://tfl.nu/mukd
  Replies (65) Good night (960) Bad night (8166)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago

  (404): View more from Georgia

  so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago (404): so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me? http://tfl.nu/o0wy
  Replies (30) Good night (8258) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer?? (1-404): no. http://tfl.nu/c4dk
  Replies (21) Good night (6056) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/cthr
  Replies (16) Good night (630) Bad night (7415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you? http://tfl.nu/4jb3
  Replies (22) Good night (8982) Bad night (5922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Mmmm, vodka for breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Mmmm, vodka for breakfast http://tfl.nu/n4af
  Replies (16) Good night (2740) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm in Tiajuana

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I could be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I'm in Tiajuana (404): You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago (706): I could be http://tfl.nu/4kta
  Replies (13) Good night (1654) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk http://tfl.nu/cgrv
  Replies (5) Good night (2172) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  one word: firstdatebathroomanal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): one word: firstdatebathroomanal http://tfl.nu/h4q1
  Replies (24) Good night (4454) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.

  (310): View more from California

  So you didn't like Bolt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later. (310): So you didn't like Bolt? http://tfl.nu/dqy6
  Replies (2) Good night (2787) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i think i'm in class. and blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i think i'm in class. and blacked out. http://tfl.nu/l2ml
  Replies (5) Good night (1863) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
  Replies (39) Good night (11264) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  What are you drinking?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): What are you drinking? (404): Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL http://tfl.nu/iqly
  Replies (54) Good night (1268) Bad night (2348)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl http://tfl.nu/5x3v
  Replies (19) Good night (2301) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n. http://tfl.nu/ek1y
  Replies (20) Good night (4430) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt