September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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