She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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