I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
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