shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
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