my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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