So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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