i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
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