Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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