someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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