She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I spit up blood this morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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