Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i wish my penis had a tongue
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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